Was Badly Addicted To Hydrocodone/oxycodone/percocet For 7 Years. Am Now Free Thanks To Buprenorphine(suboxone). (Page 2) (Top voted first)

Not real sure why exactly it is that I feel it necessary to post here in this forum. Maybe I'm hoping that someone looking for help will read this and make the same decision myself and my husband did. 7 years ago I was introduced to the joys and wonderous feelings of pain pills. Always working in the restuarant industry as a server/ bartender, the high I got from taking tabs or percs or whatever I could get my hands on led me to believe that I was a better server, better at my job, made more money, could talk to people more openly and be a happier person all around. At first, like the beginning 3 years I would take 1 to 3 lortab 10 mg in one day and be hopping around all over the place till the wee hours of the morning, talking everyone's head off and energized to the max. As the habit grew, it took more and more to get that same feeling. I didn't even realize how addicted I was. When the pills would run out, I would notice not feeling well, tired, flu like almost but just thought I was getting sick. I was entirely stupid to the fact that I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms. It wasn't until about the 5th year of my opiate abuse that I started to understand and research what was happening to me when my stash ran out. It hit me like a bag a bricks that my life was going downhill fast and something had to be done. But I couldn't stop. I still had to work. In a restaurant. I still had to function and without the pills functioning was not a possibility. Then me and my husband got married and decided we wanted a child more than anything in the world. She was the first best decision we ever made. I quit everything the day I found out I was having out little girl. October 12 2009. Surprisingly easy it was too. Pills, cigarettes, pot, everything was out the window and knowing she was inside me, needing me to make sure she was healthy as possible meant I could stop it all and not look back. Until the day she was born of course. Almost 4 hours of pushing does a very painful number on a woman's lady parts and I did not hesitate to call the nurse exactly at every 4 hour mark to bring my pain meds for the whole 2 days we spent in the hospital. Then they send you home with a small script of tabs, like 24. So slowly but surely I was spiraling back down the hole of addiction again. It was still under control until the day after Thanksgiving of 2010. My husband wound up in the hospital for a week after having a major surgery done for a condition called a "spontaneous pneumothorax". basically an air pocket in the lung cavity causing the lung to collapse a small percentage. very invasive and painful surgery though. He was out of work for like 6 weeks and you best believe that every one of those weeks was spent gobbling oxycodone by both of us like there was no tomorrow. It was over after that. no going back to sobriety. We must work now and the demands of a small child are beyond exhausting. In my mind, I could not take care of her without pills. I needed to be supermom. Until one day about 6 weeks ago, we woke up and had hit rock bottome. Because of our very expensive pill habbit, the power was turned off, the water got turned off, the phones/cable/internet was gone and even the tags and insurance on the both our cars were expired. All in one day. What an awakening and excuse my language, but what a piece of s*** I felt like. How could I do this to my now 18 month old little girl who is the light of our life and what we live for. It was not fair to her, and certainly not what I wanted life for the 3 of us to be like. Not to mention I had went back to college last August and was damn near flunking for all the time and energy I wasted texting, calling, and searching out my next fix. I couldn't study, couldnt pay attention in class. Couldn't do anything for this filthy love of pain pills. So on the day of "almost loosing everything" I decided it had to stop. Something had to give or I'd have to give up my little girl and I would rather die than live without her. It took me 2 weeks to get up the nerve to go a place called Recovery concepts about 15 miles from my home. 2 weeks of misery, though because I still had to keep finding our fixes because as we all know as addicts you cannot deal with withdrawal symptoms and still care for children and work. I didn't want the pills anymore but had to take them just to feel normal. So anyway, Recovery Concepts was the 2nd best decision I ever made in my life. The process of talking with counselors and having blood drawn and seeing the doctor all the while being in the first stages of withdrawal was long and I very nearly walked out as people were texting me telling me they had tabs for me to buy. But I could not leave. I kept thinking of my little girl and it was her that made me stay. I had to make life better for her and by God I was going to do it that day. it took about 4 hours of waiting and seeing counselors before I got my first 4mg dose of suboxone. After about 30 min I noticed the cold sweats going away. It wasn't quite enough for me though, as I was up to 100mg plus of lortab per day. At 12 mg of suboxone, I felt perfect. I went home to my husband feeling like a million bucks and exclaiming that going there was the best thing I ever did. He started going the next week and our lives have completely changed for the better since then. He is at 16 mg of suboxone (16.00$/day) and I at 12 mg(14.00$/day), which to some may seem a hefty price, but when you consider we were spending anywhere from 100 to 150/day on tabs or roxy's or percs or whatever, well we are now saving quite a bit of moolah. We go early in the morning to take our dose and we feel great all day! I have the energy I need to go to school and take care of our baby and the house. He feels great enough to work all day and come home and play with the baby and the most important thing is that we are happy doing all these things. I think the suboxone actually has helped me also because I was going into a severe depression still addicted to opiates. I was so upset with myself and life and I just couldn't be happy knowing how stuck we were. Everything has changed for us now, and I am so thankful for the clinic and for my friend that told us about the place. Suboxone gives you another chance at life. At least for me it has. Get off pain pills without withdrawals and long term recovery support for people who have had a long term habit. I just could not have done it alone, even if I had toughed out the withdrawals. My life was centered around finding, buying, eating and loving pain pills and I could not have won the fight of quitting alone. I hope this helps someone out there and if not, well I feel better telling someone my story as no one in my life but my husband knows it. Feel free after reading this to ask any questions. I will be glad to answer as best I can. And i beg you, if you are reading this searching for way out, consider a recovery clinic in your area or doctor that can prescribe you suboxone. it can change your life. thanks for reading.

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Thanks for your story it's made me stick with my appointment on Wednesday to start my suboxzine program. Good luck to y'all in your recovery, I was on the methadone maintenance program and after 3 years of staying clean I relapsed so I'm going back to my clinic but only this time to start the suboxzine.

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I was on Oxycodone 30 mg 4 x day and more than 4 sometimes, for 3 yrs. My ex and I both were very addicted to it. We could not function in our daily lives without it and was always on the "hunt" for it when our rx's ran out early bc of our abuse. It was a life of hell. One day we both decided that together we would just go "cold turkey" and get off of them. I'm here to tell you that it is a very difficult thing to go through..but can be done as we both did it. We have both been oxycodone-free for over a year and a half now! I went through some bad withdrawals..throwing up for days, sweats, diarrhea, pain in back and legs, muscle spams and twitching..but in the end I made it and I am so HAPPY I no longer take that "wicked" drug. I was always on a prescription for it..but always ran out early. If you truly want off of this drug it can be done, "cold turkey" but you have to be deternined and not get weak and give up. It isn't easy but you can do it. After a couple of months I began to feel better. The worst of it lasted about a month. For the ppl who really need it..or think they really need it..well, that's a personal choice. I was told by treating physician that there is a difference between addiction and dependence. Addiction is where you will go out and rob..steal, and sometimes kill for a drug. Dependence is just like a diabetic needing insulin to live and function. I was the latter. I was very dependent on that drug. Good luck to all. For all the trouble and exhuberant prices you all have to pay for this drug and all the problems in finding it...going off it would get rid of these daily interruptions in your life. Good luck to all!

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Thank you. Reading your post is.like reading my life. Thanks for sharing

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No neef to apologize
I feel the same.way and experience the dame thing you do.
Hang in thrte Friend.

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Glad you shared as you seem to be telling the story of my life....so glad you won the battle I'm still in the trenches.....

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This sounds so much like my life right now. I'm still searching for help. No one in Indiana takes new patients so I'm not getting it can't get help so I'm stuck. Don't want to be a pill head anymore. Friend have me Suboxone and omg took me from horrible to a better Mommy thinking right. But now I'm without that help from her and hitting Rock bottom again with my babies. They don't deserve this from their Mommy. I'm feeling like death. Have no family no way to Get help. Been scammed for all my money and pray daily for strength

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To you that speaks for I say is more excuses to take painkillers. I do agree that it is hard for people with actual chronic pain they can't get painkillers for the ones that do it for the high. what your not understanding you are addicted to painkillers just like the rest of us and it was starting for chronic pain there's other things out there that work just as good as a narcotic painkiller. but again the problem is after taking these you don't want to admit your addiction and ask for help that's OK but for some of us we want a different path. I have been on those narcotics for over 15 years from my bone disease and my other issues that I don't have to post. I too need something for pain but I am a true believer that there something better than narcotics. reason because I have had em we just don't want to admit they work we'd like or narcotics and you are addicted just as the rest of us just the small group that stalking wants to get better and the sharing the story so I hope you find a group that makes excuses for painkillers good luck with that

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I have a question for you my husband is back and forth all the time with suboxone and hydromorphine he insufflates them but denies it but I'm not stupit. One day he's on the couch in a horrible mood the next he's singing and telling me sweet things it's like being on a rollarcoaster ride all the time it's been 7 years of this and I'm getting really bad anxiety because of it we have two kids that don't deserve a dad that is always to preoccupied for them need to make a decision but it's a hard one

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I have lived with a husband that has been addicted to opiates for 8 years I have grown tierd of the lies the broken promises. I'm ashamed to say I have lost faith every week is the same he takes a low does of suboxone when he starts to get sick and then gets high off hydromorphine I see his mood switch he goes from being hyper and sweating bullets to agitated and on the couch and extremely mean. I am 32 with two gorgeous kids I love my husband but I need more then this for my children and I . Does anyone have any advice ? He has tried rehab 3 times and failed

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Hi Lindsay, I hate to say this but not until he,s truely ready to get straight things aren,t gonna change. I was your husband except without the subs. I was young at the time. Fortunately we didn,t have children. My wife got sick of it and just left. I,m not saying that this is what you should do. You could try alanon. It,s not just for loved ones of alcoholics. At least you,d get some support and be around others in the same boat.

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Omg this is my life I am at the same point as you. I just don't know what to do it's such a big choice to make but I want to start living and stop worrying all the time.Has he tried rehab ? Maybe give him a choice rehab or your leaving.i hope it all works out

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Tonya your a mom of 5 your already an amazing strong women :-) thank you for your kind words. Some days i think I'm crazy to still be here but we tolerate crazy things when it comes to love. Keep in touch
Thanks Lindsay

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Thankyou so much for your post. It's as if someone guided me to reading your post right now. I went to a doctor today, and left in tears with a prescription for suboxone film 8mg at twice daily for 30 days. I'm scared beyond words right now. I've never replied to anyone on this site ,and I've never posted any of my own posts. Your words have comforted me ,but I'm still in the scared s***less stage at moment (excuse my bleeping) :^/

I've been addicted to norco 10 s for approximately 6 1/2 years, and reading your message was almost like reading my bio. I started with the same "low dose,life was "great" & I had more energy than a classroom of first graders. My husband and I found out I was pregnant, and I stopped everything. Like you, it was my daughter that helped me not think twice about eating another pill. I was not glowing lol and I had a rough pregnancy. At 6 1/2 months pregnant, my boss/friend/family Dr. (a physician whom I had worked years for) committed suicide. I'll never forget that moment, and how much I felt. Pain, loss ,etc but I felt it ALL. I remember thinking"if I wasn't pregnant, I'd be popping pills like candy right now.." I just wanted to not feel. A month later, as if things weren't hard enough. .on Christmas day 2008 ,I slipped on our tile and my very pregnant self went falling to ground with a really painful dislocated knee. I remember screaming and this went on for approx. 3hours until finally the ER doctor was there with a stack of forms to sign so I could be sedated quickly in order for him to push patella back into place. From my house, on a stretcher to an ambulance to the hospital. .and then waiting for a doctor willing to do something to help and not consumed with "fear of liability" w the 7 1/2 month along screaming prego lady. Well ,after that I was sent home with vicodin and I still didn't take it until my daughter arrived. C section due to huge leg brace, crutches and a very damaged acl. After I had her, it's as if something clicked in my brain telling me to numb it asap and never feel again. So I did. I couldn't breast feed anyway because doctors encouraged pain meds to help my bp lower , and to help my post op pain as well as knee. From that moment on , I've been addicted. I've tried tapering. .we all know how challenging that can be. 2years later ,I watched my dad fight stage 4 melanoma that had metastasized and I watched him die. I say this with all honesty. .I don't know if I could have sat there day and night on his final days without those darn pills. I'm sure I could've, but I've had several huge life changes that might have pushed me to my expiration if not for the numbing comfort of those horrible pills. It's a love hate..but I hate them more. Approx 3months after burying my dad , I filed for divorce. My husband was/is an alcoholic and "every drug in book,addict. I'm no better with my pills..but I told self it was ok. Amazing how our brains change..

Well..I left with my daughter for our safety. Ya , I know I must sound just as unfit. But I functioned in my mind. I left my husband the day he pulled a loaded gun out , raging and drunk , unlocked safety and aimed it at me screaming that he was killing us all. I ran for my daughter, locked self in bedroom and hid until I could go through bedroom slider and run to neighbor for 911. Fast forward to today. ..my daughter is smart beautiful and my reason for not repeating what my great physician did years ago. The pills have only killed pain and I mean physical and mental. I still have physical pain. .it's why I'm scared to stop them. I haven't taken any since approximately 1700. I am going to bed and I guess my main question is how much suffering through w/ds tomorrow, will be enough to start 1st suboxone film? I truly am scared and I don't know how I'll function. The doctor that rxd it today, was not the nicest physician. He was rude about my pain..telling me he doubts I truly have pain. I just had bilateral brst surgery 1 month ago to remove a malignant lesion and benign lesion. Thankful it was in situ. I do honestly have pain..however I do feel might be from daily med use. I guess I'll know more soon. I'm sorry for such a novel..a terrible 1 at best. I just had to vent and have no one to tell this to. Im a single mom..24 7 is my daughter and I. I am educated, have always worked hard..but last few years my depression has taken over. The only thing tha mKes me "happy" are the refills I've been getting until now. I know. .it's not true happiness. My daughter truly makes me happy. .but this depression is so powerful that even the feeling of being useless mom is overpowering. I'm sorry to blah blah blah. Im just scared. Will I be exhausted? Can I . function tomorrow? .will I suffer fever or irritable or stomach pain? Will I be too tired to function. I've hit a wall. .it all has come down around me and tomorrow, it's just my daughter and I. How do I do it ? Anyone reading this, please pray for me. I need an angel right now and my daughter needs a better parent.

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Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was beautifully written and I saw myself in a lot of what you said. :) You did and are doing the right thing. The right way. I commend you. :) Your daughter is a lucky little girl. Best of luck in continuing your sobriety. Stay strong!!!

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@ betterdays40 Not all pain is physical. If someone is willing to our their heart out online in an attempt to help others they should be commended. Not cut down. If a message/story doesn't apply to you keep your mouth shut. Save your holier than thou propaganda for your favorite hooker chump.

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Thank you for your comment. I agree. Being new to this site, however unloading a bad for TV novela here approx. 1 month ago today, I can understand the need to just tell what got me to that day... Even if it is told to Noone. It's the therapeutic equivalent to just bleeding everything out on paper and throwing the finished works straight into the fire. A release of sorts. No pat on back needed. No high fives. Just a weight lifted. Maybe I did it to feel like my secret was no longer that. I know in reality, it still was. Well, I'm happy to say I posted that on August 14th and the next day was the first day in too many years, without swallowing one single Norco. Since August 15th, I've been clean and it has not been a piece of cake. I've had amazing days, and I've had terrible ones. I don't need a "way to go", or a million likes on fb. I am simply updating my post, in hopes if anyone else is facing tomorrow morning without a pill, line, drink, or needle.. It will be ok. Maybe not easy. Maybe easier. The point is, anyone relating to my specific addiction... It is possible to stop. I am thankful I am here a month later, but I'll be happier when I can say I'm still here a year from now. We shall see. For now, today is ok. Tomorrow hopefully better. I will take what I can. I have a lot of work ahead of me. I only wish everyone peace and power on their journeys. ANY questions regarding the first 30 days off Norco, please contact me. Any questions regarding the first 30 days on suboxone, contact me. I will share any helpful advice or side effects questions that are not life threatening emergencies. I'm not a physician and can only offer input based on my experience, however I didn't have a physician return my calls.. And I just saw him for followup visit yesterday. He didn't respond to my concern about being left alone to figure out the medication. He didn't even address my concern of side effects. So, I'm on my own for most of this but you are not. Good luck

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your Suboxone prescribor can require that you and your husband both sign releases of medical records from X amount of past years, and request records from your pcp, pain management, etc ..This is usually done to prevent medication abuse/misuse and in the patient's best interest. Your pain management doctor should be aware, and it will help if they work together in a sense, regarding the proper treatment tailored for you and your husband. I'm not sure if you were hoping otherwise? It won't help to continue obtaining opiate pain killers while on suboxine, as you will.only waste the painkillers and put your body in danger. Many pain management physicians actually are certified to prescribe suboxone, at least in California they are. As far as physicians not certified to prescribe suboxone for the purpose of addiction, I was reading an article regarding this just the other day and any physician that is authorized to prescribe medication can actually write suboxone rxs for treatment of chronic and severe pain, just not for addiction. Hope this helps

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What a dumb ass comment to an individual that is only trying to help people. This was not even meant for you to read, unless your judge mental , overbearing, insensitive ass is actually
addicted. If that's the case, I apologize, but don't try and make someone feel bad, especially when they are trying to help people.

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Then why in the world do you feel a need to respond?!? This woman shared her story which is not always easy to do because of judgemental people like you. Simply look elsewhere if you don't like what your reading!! For some people stumbling across this could be a godsend...

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For those struggling.... you can use kratom, a natural plant leaf, that will stop withdrawals and cravings. Use it for expected days of withdrawal, and for PAWS, if you get that. It's safe, effective and easily obtained. I know many people who have stopped their opiate addiction with this - every kind of opiate! There is hope, and a much easier way to get your life back - it's called kratom.

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