Was Badly Addicted To Hydrocodone/oxycodone/percocet For 7 Years. Am Now Free Thanks To Buprenorphine(suboxone).
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Not real sure why exactly it is that I feel it necessary to post here in this forum. Maybe I'm hoping that someone looking for help will read this and make the same decision myself and my husband did. 7 years ago I was introduced to the joys and wonderous feelings of pain pills. Always working in the restuarant industry as a server/ bartender, the high I got from taking tabs or percs or whatever I could get my hands on led me to believe that I was a better server, better at my job, made more money, could talk to people more openly and be a happier person all around. At first, like the beginning 3 years I would take 1 to 3 lortab 10 mg in one day and be hopping around all over the place till the wee hours of the morning, talking everyone's head off and energized to the max. As the habit grew, it took more and more to get that same feeling. I didn't even realize how addicted I was. When the pills would run out, I would notice not feeling well, tired, flu like almost but just thought I was getting sick. I was entirely stupid to the fact that I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms. It wasn't until about the 5th year of my opiate abuse that I started to understand and research what was happening to me when my stash ran out. It hit me like a bag a bricks that my life was going downhill fast and something had to be done. But I couldn't stop. I still had to work. In a restaurant. I still had to function and without the pills functioning was not a possibility. Then me and my husband got married and decided we wanted a child more than anything in the world. She was the first best decision we ever made. I quit everything the day I found out I was having out little girl. October 12 2009. Surprisingly easy it was too. Pills, cigarettes, pot, everything was out the window and knowing she was inside me, needing me to make sure she was healthy as possible meant I could stop it all and not look back. Until the day she was born of course. Almost 4 hours of pushing does a very painful number on a woman's lady parts and I did not hesitate to call the nurse exactly at every 4 hour mark to bring my pain meds for the whole 2 days we spent in the hospital. Then they send you home with a small script of tabs, like 24. So slowly but surely I was spiraling back down the hole of addiction again. It was still under control until the day after Thanksgiving of 2010. My husband wound up in the hospital for a week after having a major surgery done for a condition called a "spontaneous pneumothorax". basically an air pocket in the lung cavity causing the lung to collapse a small percentage. very invasive and painful surgery though. He was out of work for like 6 weeks and you best believe that every one of those weeks was spent gobbling oxycodone by both of us like there was no tomorrow. It was over after that. no going back to sobriety. We must work now and the demands of a small child are beyond exhausting. In my mind, I could not take care of her without pills. I needed to be supermom. Until one day about 6 weeks ago, we woke up and had hit rock bottome. Because of our very expensive pill habbit, the power was turned off, the water got turned off, the phones/cable/internet was gone and even the tags and insurance on the both our cars were expired. All in one day. What an awakening and excuse my language, but what a piece of s*** I felt like. How could I do this to my now 18 month old little girl who is the light of our life and what we live for. It was not fair to her, and certainly not what I wanted life for the 3 of us to be like. Not to mention I had went back to college last August and was damn near flunking for all the time and energy I wasted texting, calling, and searching out my next fix. I couldn't study, couldnt pay attention in class. Couldn't do anything for this filthy love of pain pills. So on the day of "almost loosing everything" I decided it had to stop. Something had to give or I'd have to give up my little girl and I would rather die than live without her. It took me 2 weeks to get up the nerve to go a place called Recovery concepts about 15 miles from my home. 2 weeks of misery, though because I still had to keep finding our fixes because as we all know as addicts you cannot deal with withdrawal symptoms and still care for children and work. I didn't want the pills anymore but had to take them just to feel normal. So anyway, Recovery Concepts was the 2nd best decision I ever made in my life. The process of talking with counselors and having blood drawn and seeing the doctor all the while being in the first stages of withdrawal was long and I very nearly walked out as people were texting me telling me they had tabs for me to buy. But I could not leave. I kept thinking of my little girl and it was her that made me stay. I had to make life better for her and by God I was going to do it that day. it took about 4 hours of waiting and seeing counselors before I got my first 4mg dose of suboxone. After about 30 min I noticed the cold sweats going away. It wasn't quite enough for me though, as I was up to 100mg plus of lortab per day. At 12 mg of suboxone, I felt perfect. I went home to my husband feeling like a million bucks and exclaiming that going there was the best thing I ever did. He started going the next week and our lives have completely changed for the better since then. He is at 16 mg of suboxone (16.00$/day) and I at 12 mg(14.00$/day), which to some may seem a hefty price, but when you consider we were spending anywhere from 100 to 150/day on tabs or roxy's or percs or whatever, well we are now saving quite a bit of moolah. We go early in the morning to take our dose and we feel great all day! I have the energy I need to go to school and take care of our baby and the house. He feels great enough to work all day and come home and play with the baby and the most important thing is that we are happy doing all these things. I think the suboxone actually has helped me also because I was going into a severe depression still addicted to opiates. I was so upset with myself and life and I just couldn't be happy knowing how stuck we were. Everything has changed for us now, and I am so thankful for the clinic and for my friend that told us about the place. Suboxone gives you another chance at life. At least for me it has. Get off pain pills without withdrawals and long term recovery support for people who have had a long term habit. I just could not have done it alone, even if I had toughed out the withdrawals. My life was centered around finding, buying, eating and loving pain pills and I could not have won the fight of quitting alone. I hope this helps someone out there and if not, well I feel better telling someone my story as no one in my life but my husband knows it. Feel free after reading this to ask any questions. I will be glad to answer as best I can. And i beg you, if you are reading this searching for way out, consider a recovery clinic in your area or doctor that can prescribe you suboxone. it can change your life. thanks for reading.

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Re: Johanna (# 12)

I feel you.
I jumped off 4 mgs of suboxone day 10 was pure hell.
Called Dr he told me to come in.
He appoligized because he said he never told me NOT to ever jump like that.
I seriously wished I was dead.
So I agree, coming off narcotics sucks but not as bad as coming off subs.
I'm back on the subs...
I've learned to try and deal with my pain even on subs but just can't bring myself to jump off subs again even by weaning.
I want off everything but have yet to find anything prescribed or natural or otherwise to get off it.
I so wish a miracle would come along that would take away the horrible withdrawals from getting off subs and NOT be addictive.
Ugh....such an ugly cycle.
My pain sucks no matter how you look at it.
I just do not want to be addicted to anything.
Is there any type of inpatient rehab?
I also have no insurance.
Dr perscibed me subutex because it's $86 compared to like $300-400.
Pharmaceutical companies are evil.
I did the 1 year free coupon already.
Thanks for listening..
I'm going to continue reading.

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Hi Carrie - REALLY enjoyed reading your post!! I'm hoping you (or anyone else on here) can help me with a question I have regarding Suboxone. First, can you please let me know if you are still taking it or if you have weaned off of it now? I know you're post was from several years ago so before I go into my long question I'd like to know whether or not are still on it. I'm basically trying to find someone who has gotten off of Suboxone and find out how they did it I would greatly appreciate a reply. Thank you in advance!

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Hey @ladyrhinestone, can you explain your withdrawal process more? I'm at about the same dosage and time and going to withdrawal. I suffer from spondylothesis and am sick of this s*** in my life!! Going cold turkey, the only way... :/

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SAVAGE, I'm sure you are aware it is much more complex than you make it seem in your post. Although I know what you are trying to say. Hopefully I can try and educate everyone a little about this epidemic. I am a chronic pain patient with a variety of medical problems and have had about 30 operations. In fact, I seriously doubt you know anyone or that there are many people who are prescribed as much medication at the doses I am. However, except for my Fentanyl Duragesic Patches 200 MCG an Hr which is constantly entering my body, I do not take meds at a certain time or for an occasion. So although there are people who are prescribed meds for legitimate reasons, they can still be and probably are addicted/dependent either physically and or mentally. Just as I am sure I am. However, one true sign of addiction is if at a certain time, like every 4hrs whether hurting or not somebody feels they have to medicate.. Having to take a pain pill before your feet hit the floor in the morning or the bed at night is addiction. If someone takes something to have a "HIGH" feeling etc. ADDICTION It's just like a person who says "I am not an alcoholic" but has to have a glass of wine or 3 every night. It is a very complicated subject obviously. And yes the people who abuse pills, taking 10 to 20 or 30 pills a day! Or misusing pills are making it harder for those of us who truly need them! When they had or felt like they had to make "Vicodin, Norco, Hydrocodone" all are basically the same drug, triplicates because they thought it would slow down the drug seekers and eventually help the illicit drug epidemic. I think they just made it worse especially for the people who truly have Chronic intractable pain! Maybe this will help some people understand Addiction/Dependence/Tolerance, Etc.

What Is Addiction?

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), addiction is a “chronic, relapsing brain disease that is characterized by compulsive drug seeking and use, despite harmful consequences”. In other words, addiction is an uncontrollable or overwhelming need to use a drug, and this compulsion is long-lasting and can return unexpectedly after a period of improvement.

Addiction is a psychological condition that describes a compulsion to take a drug or engage in other harmful behaviors. Individuals can develop addictions to illicit street drugs, prescription medications, and even activities such as gambling. Addictions are persistent, and addicted individuals can relapse into drug use after years of abstaining.

Although addiction used to be thought of as a sign of moral weakness, it is now understood by the majority of those in the substance abuse and addiction treatment sphere to be a condition that arises in association with changes in the brain caused by the use of addictive substances. This is because nearly all addictive drugs either directly or indirectly activate an area of the brain, the nucleus accumbens, that is normally stimulated by naturally rewarding activities important for survival like eating, having intercourse, or spending time with friends.

To the addicted brain, obtaining and taking drugs can literally feel like a matter of life and death. Addictive drugs stimulate pleasure and motivation pathways in the brain much more strongly than natural rewards. Therefore, repeated exposure to these drugs can fool the brain into prioritizing drug-taking over normal, healthy activities.

The effect of addictive drugs on the brain’s reward pathways helps explain two important features of addiction:
1. The inability to limit or cease substance use.
2. The irresistible urge to continue seeking and taking the drug despite serious negative consequences.

People with an addiction to alcohol, for example, may intend to stop for a quick beer on the way home and yet find themselves still sitting on the bar stool hours later at closing time. Likewise, addicted drinkers will not be deterred from drinking even if they are advised by a doctor to stop for health reasons, receive a DUI, or are dismissed from a job.

This irrational persistence is what sets addiction apart from mere physical dependence. Many people in our society are dependent on caffeine and experience withdrawal symptoms such as headache, fatigue, and difficulty concentrating if they miss their morning cup of coffee. But no matter how unpleasant going without caffeine may be to people who are dependent on it, it is unlikely many of them would commit a crime in order to get an espresso or refuse to give up coffee entirely if told by their doctor that it might kill them.

Thanks for reading, if you did :)

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For those struggling.... you can use kratom, a natural plant leaf, that will stop withdrawals and cravings. Use it for expected days of withdrawal, and for PAWS, if you get that. It's safe, effective and easily obtained. I know many people who have stopped their opiate addiction with this - every kind of opiate! There is hope, and a much easier way to get your life back - it's called kratom.

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Omg..i sware sound. Like my story ..i cant believe.theres someone out there with the answer..

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I used to be a nurse, until age 36, and a single mom of 2 kids (one a pregnant 17 yr old, and a 10 yr old son); had a patient that weighed 360lbs fall on me (5'8" 115lbs), who broke my back and after 3 surgeries in less than a year, being in a body cast for over a year, losing custody of my son, having to move in me and my daughter and grandchild with my mom who was dying of cancer, then take over the care of my 14yr old niece and 16yr old nephew that she had been raising bc my brother and his wife were opiate addicts...oh and I was working private duty under the table so there was no insurance or workers comp., I have been on pain meds ever since and don't abuse them. I got remarried 2 years ago and moved to another state and there laws and prescribing pain meds were hell, everyone was an addict, even after bringing my records of 6 yrs never failing a drug panel, etc (and by the way in my home state my family dr prescribed my Percocet for me, I never asked for and even turned down offers to up my meds) I find in my new state drs don't prescribe pain meds, you must go to a pain clinic, and as I said I was treated as an addict and told from day one (even with a titanium fusion holding half my spine together ) that I didn't need the meds, I was an addict and they immediately cut my dose from 6 Percocet 10s a day to 4, and within 4 months they had me on 2 5mg Percocet a day, I couldn't even feel those and ended up in a wheelchair, I tried another clinic, they were all nice at first and increased me to 4 7.5MGS a day, would never increase it, then started adding neurotin, then tinzidine, and even though I told them they didn't help and made me feel tired, dizzy, naseaus, slurred my speech, I fell alot, they insisted I take them or no pain meds at all. Well that lasted about 4 months, and a started decreasing my percocet and increasing the Nuerotin and the tinzidine. Well I ended up completely you wheelchair bound or in a recliner was no life anymore, and because of the side effects of the other meds they put me on people thought I was on drugs all the time because I was slurring my speech, stumbling all over the place, falling a lot - I had no balance, I was incoherent, I would be up for days on end and be so sleep deprived I would hallucinate, then I would sleep 24 hours a day sometimes for 7 to 10 days to where my husband had to wake me up literally to use the bathroom and to eat and that was all I did, I literally thought I was losing my mind. Thank God for my husband and him having the sense to research how his wife went from and active happy normal person, to this vegetable person that he didn't even recognize any more who couldn't even literally feed her self, and found literally the only Doctor in the entire state we live in that is a back specialist and prescribes his patients pain medications himself! I don't know if I mentioned that the entire time I was at these paying clinics about 18 months total I never once saw Dr only nurse practitioners and this is my spine and my spinal cord in my brain neurological system we're dealing with and I was dealing with nurse practitioners I had more education then they did as a nurse!!! Needs ass to say in my old State my doctor was a neurosurgeon and that was who I saw every month when I got my pain medications so that's why I was so shocked that I did not even see a doctor here at these pain clinics, NOT EVEN ONCE!!! And windy put me on the combination of those medications and my husband went to get the prescription filled on a Saturday, the pharmacist refuse to fill the medication saying they do not interact well together and that she wanted to make sure she spoke to the nurse practitioner that had for scribe them to make sure she didn't make the mistake me for she filled the medications because she was worried about their interactions, need this to say we gotta phone call on Monday saying well we called your doctor and she says that she wants you on those medications and that she believes the risk is worth the payoff you will get from taking the medications. Anyway my husband found me this wonderful doctor I had to literally supply like a job application to be his patient I had to send in every medical record I had since my surgery I had to send in basically an essay on why I needed his help, which I thought was a little crazy to have to apply to be a patient usually being a nurse I know that the patient is my boss was out them I wouldn't have a job so it was really a backwards thing to me but I was desperate so I did it and it took 6 weeks to get a reply but he did except me as a patient and I got an appointment. Wow it has been wonderful ever since he could not believe the combination of medications that was on and was understanding of the side effects I was having considering the medications out was on he said I was pretty lucky that those are the only things that happened to me I could have died from this combination of medicines, that none of those medications or all the physical therapy that these pain clinic made me go through for going to help my situation at all it was a failed spinal fusion and the only treatment was pain medication in order to have any semblance of a normal life and any quality of life. He had to slowly we me off of these other medications because they cuz literally kill you if you stopped taking them which know whenever mentioned and tell him, put me back on pain medication, and slowly increased my dosage as he realized how much more damage to my back was after all the falls I had taken because of the medications these stupid pain clinic put me on. And he pooped it my in my eyes from before I moved after my surgery and I had had three done over the course of the year and a half of going to the pink clinic before I found him and then he did one when I first went to him so that was a total of four, and he said he could see obvious damages in changes extreme changes and were singing in each one overtime and he can't believe that these pain clinic didn't notice that or do anything about it... and so now he has me set up to speed to a surgeon about having more surgery done because of the damage that those medications and all the falls I took... but I am mediately want I was tapered off of all those medications and put back on proper pain medications was out of my wheelchair and starting to live life again, its frustrating because I don't have much stamina or strength after being in a wheelchair or a recliner for year and a half now but I know is time I will build up my strength again and my stamina and get back to where I was and I just think God for my husband who found this man and realize that it was the medications is wife at a lost her mind, and got me easy proper care that I needed and his been by my side and them best support system a person could ever ask for through all of this.

And I apologize when I hit respond I didn't mean to go into my entire story that was not my intention my intention was to agree with your statement that it's hard to feel sorry for people who of use these drugs on purpose and therefore make it nearly impossible now for us people who really need them in order to actually just have any quality of life whatsoever, I didn't choose to be in this situation I didn't use to have my back broken I didn't choose to have 3 back surgeries and behalf metal in my spine and in chronic pain for the rest of my life, I actually was trying to be a nurse and take care of people in do good in this world. And now because of people that do abused these drugs and sell them on the streets and steal them and whatever else they do by choice I had to live last year and a half of my life and a wheelchair being told I was a drug addict and being made much worse because of that situation... every time I went to that clinic I felt degraded humiliated like less than a human being I felt like I was being called a liar even with 6 and a half years of Records that I never failed a drug panel, I never abused my medicine, I never missed a drug count, I never miss use my medicine. I was still treated that way and being a nurse myself I wouldn't never treat patients that way even if they were drug attics I didn't humiliate them and make them feel like they were less than human and that's what these places did to me. And it took me from being a sympathetic nurse to knowing that drug addiction is it disease and feeling sorry for addicts and trying to help them to being a very angry with addicts and how they have made me suffer needlessly because I am in chronic pain and yet they choose to abuse the drugs.

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Then why in the world do you feel a need to respond?!? This woman shared her story which is not always easy to do because of judgemental people like you. Simply look elsewhere if you don't like what your reading!! For some people stumbling across this could be a godsend...

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What a dumb ass comment to an individual that is only trying to help people. This was not even meant for you to read, unless your judge mental , overbearing, insensitive ass is actually
addicted. If that's the case, I apologize, but don't try and make someone feel bad, especially when they are trying to help people.

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I loved your post going through the same. Waitress mother. Trying to be superhero but without pills I can't do anything. Very upset I let them sneak up on me. Plus just had tooth pulled and they prescribe them like candy :(. U don't realize what u do to yourself because you are getting that happy euphoric feeling from the damn pills. My withdrawals are bad then u cave in and it starts all over. I was given a strip I wanted to try it I don't want to take pills anymore. I just want to function. How long should I wait to take part of a strip? It's been about 12 hours since I've taken pill

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Can someone help me out with their experiences. About 3 years ago I was using about 10-12 10 mg of percs a day for 10 years and then went on Suboxone. It was the best thing I ever did, however about 2 years ago I relapsed. Unfortunately it was SO easy I thought that I could just do it again!:(. The first time I was off the percs for 15 hours and the subox worked ASAP. Now I've tried it again a few times and I go immed into withdrawls ! I even waited 24 hours one time with the same results. Now I'm scared to death to come off what in on now. Currently I'm taking roxys 30 mg. they are not extended release so I'm not sure why this keeps happening?? Please help. One more thing I should mention which is gonna blow anyone away that reads this, but I'm trying to be honest here, so please don't judge, just lookin for help. To get a the buzz I'm lookin for on the Roxys 30 mg, I take 36 30 mg at a time, 3 times a day. Yes, 1110 mg at one time. My tolerance just keeps going up and up and as you can imagine, it's very expensive!! Any suggestions would be great!!
MrRixky

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your Suboxone prescribor can require that you and your husband both sign releases of medical records from X amount of past years, and request records from your pcp, pain management, etc ..This is usually done to prevent medication abuse/misuse and in the patient's best interest. Your pain management doctor should be aware, and it will help if they work together in a sense, regarding the proper treatment tailored for you and your husband. I'm not sure if you were hoping otherwise? It won't help to continue obtaining opiate pain killers while on suboxine, as you will.only waste the painkillers and put your body in danger. Many pain management physicians actually are certified to prescribe suboxone, at least in California they are. As far as physicians not certified to prescribe suboxone for the purpose of addiction, I was reading an article regarding this just the other day and any physician that is authorized to prescribe medication can actually write suboxone rxs for treatment of chronic and severe pain, just not for addiction. Hope this helps

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My husband and are both addicted to pain pills go to pain management, want to off them and try subito new but where do we get it filled and can't our subito new dr tell our pain dr what were doing. Ashamed lost want out

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Thank you for your comment. I agree. Being new to this site, however unloading a bad for TV novela here approx. 1 month ago today, I can understand the need to just tell what got me to that day... Even if it is told to Noone. It's the therapeutic equivalent to just bleeding everything out on paper and throwing the finished works straight into the fire. A release of sorts. No pat on back needed. No high fives. Just a weight lifted. Maybe I did it to feel like my secret was no longer that. I know in reality, it still was. Well, I'm happy to say I posted that on August 14th and the next day was the first day in too many years, without swallowing one single Norco. Since August 15th, I've been clean and it has not been a piece of cake. I've had amazing days, and I've had terrible ones. I don't need a "way to go", or a million likes on fb. I am simply updating my post, in hopes if anyone else is facing tomorrow morning without a pill, line, drink, or needle.. It will be ok. Maybe not easy. Maybe easier. The point is, anyone relating to my specific addiction... It is possible to stop. I am thankful I am here a month later, but I'll be happier when I can say I'm still here a year from now. We shall see. For now, today is ok. Tomorrow hopefully better. I will take what I can. I have a lot of work ahead of me. I only wish everyone peace and power on their journeys. ANY questions regarding the first 30 days off Norco, please contact me. Any questions regarding the first 30 days on suboxone, contact me. I will share any helpful advice or side effects questions that are not life threatening emergencies. I'm not a physician and can only offer input based on my experience, however I didn't have a physician return my calls.. And I just saw him for followup visit yesterday. He didn't respond to my concern about being left alone to figure out the medication. He didn't even address my concern of side effects. So, I'm on my own for most of this but you are not. Good luck

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@ betterdays40 Not all pain is physical. If someone is willing to our their heart out online in an attempt to help others they should be commended. Not cut down. If a message/story doesn't apply to you keep your mouth shut. Save your holier than thou propaganda for your favorite hooker chump.

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Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was beautifully written and I saw myself in a lot of what you said. :) You did and are doing the right thing. The right way. I commend you. :) Your daughter is a lucky little girl. Best of luck in continuing your sobriety. Stay strong!!!

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Thankyou so much for your post. It's as if someone guided me to reading your post right now. I went to a doctor today, and left in tears with a prescription for suboxone film 8mg at twice daily for 30 days. I'm scared beyond words right now. I've never replied to anyone on this site ,and I've never posted any of my own posts. Your words have comforted me ,but I'm still in the scared s***less stage at moment (excuse my bleeping) :^/

I've been addicted to norco 10 s for approximately 6 1/2 years, and reading your message was almost like reading my bio. I started with the same "low dose,life was "great" & I had more energy than a classroom of first graders. My husband and I found out I was pregnant, and I stopped everything. Like you, it was my daughter that helped me not think twice about eating another pill. I was not glowing lol and I had a rough pregnancy. At 6 1/2 months pregnant, my boss/friend/family Dr. (a physician whom I had worked years for) committed suicide. I'll never forget that moment, and how much I felt. Pain, loss ,etc but I felt it ALL. I remember thinking"if I wasn't pregnant, I'd be popping pills like candy right now.." I just wanted to not feel. A month later, as if things weren't hard enough. .on Christmas day 2008 ,I slipped on our tile and my very pregnant self went falling to ground with a really painful dislocated knee. I remember screaming and this went on for approx. 3hours until finally the ER doctor was there with a stack of forms to sign so I could be sedated quickly in order for him to push patella back into place. From my house, on a stretcher to an ambulance to the hospital. .and then waiting for a doctor willing to do something to help and not consumed with "fear of liability" w the 7 1/2 month along screaming prego lady. Well ,after that I was sent home with vicodin and I still didn't take it until my daughter arrived. C section due to huge leg brace, crutches and a very damaged acl. After I had her, it's as if something clicked in my brain telling me to numb it asap and never feel again. So I did. I couldn't breast feed anyway because doctors encouraged pain meds to help my bp lower , and to help my post op pain as well as knee. From that moment on , I've been addicted. I've tried tapering. .we all know how challenging that can be. 2years later ,I watched my dad fight stage 4 melanoma that had metastasized and I watched him die. I say this with all honesty. .I don't know if I could have sat there day and night on his final days without those darn pills. I'm sure I could've, but I've had several huge life changes that might have pushed me to my expiration if not for the numbing comfort of those horrible pills. It's a love hate..but I hate them more. Approx 3months after burying my dad , I filed for divorce. My husband was/is an alcoholic and "every drug in book,addict. I'm no better with my pills..but I told self it was ok. Amazing how our brains change..

Well..I left with my daughter for our safety. Ya , I know I must sound just as unfit. But I functioned in my mind. I left my husband the day he pulled a loaded gun out , raging and drunk , unlocked safety and aimed it at me screaming that he was killing us all. I ran for my daughter, locked self in bedroom and hid until I could go through bedroom slider and run to neighbor for 911. Fast forward to today. ..my daughter is smart beautiful and my reason for not repeating what my great physician did years ago. The pills have only killed pain and I mean physical and mental. I still have physical pain. .it's why I'm scared to stop them. I haven't taken any since approximately 1700. I am going to bed and I guess my main question is how much suffering through w/ds tomorrow, will be enough to start 1st suboxone film? I truly am scared and I don't know how I'll function. The doctor that rxd it today, was not the nicest physician. He was rude about my pain..telling me he doubts I truly have pain. I just had bilateral brst surgery 1 month ago to remove a malignant lesion and benign lesion. Thankful it was in situ. I do honestly have pain..however I do feel might be from daily med use. I guess I'll know more soon. I'm sorry for such a novel..a terrible 1 at best. I just had to vent and have no one to tell this to. Im a single mom..24 7 is my daughter and I. I am educated, have always worked hard..but last few years my depression has taken over. The only thing tha mKes me "happy" are the refills I've been getting until now. I know. .it's not true happiness. My daughter truly makes me happy. .but this depression is so powerful that even the feeling of being useless mom is overpowering. I'm sorry to blah blah blah. Im just scared. Will I be exhausted? Can I . function tomorrow? .will I suffer fever or irritable or stomach pain? Will I be too tired to function. I've hit a wall. .it all has come down around me and tomorrow, it's just my daughter and I. How do I do it ? Anyone reading this, please pray for me. I need an angel right now and my daughter needs a better parent.

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I have witnessed my husband like this for so long all I can say is it is not going to be easy but you can do it and it's going to suck but if your as low as 1 mg cold turkey is the way to go take some valarian root it's a natural remedy not addictive it will help you sleep at night. Stay strong use all the will power you have my kids are 3 and 6 and I'm still with my husband I hope and dream of the day he can be an active dad and a partner to me. I know someone who did it cold turkey and they have been clean for two years. You have a sweet little one there's a great reason to get threw it all .

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I've been trying to ween off sub for over six months now an am down to just 1 milligram a day do u have any advice for me. I can't go to a doc to get the for specific reasons but I still to need some advice. I will skip days but by night time the full on body aches kick in and I have anxiety all day. I figure the longer I can go without the easier cold turkey will be. I also have a two yr old son and I don't want to be that dad anymore. Don't take me wrong subs have definitely emproved my life from the Percs oxy dilaudid morphine you name it besides h I was doing it and subs definitely help get you back on track but i want to be clean and don't have the means for an impatient facility.

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Tonya your a mom of 5 your already an amazing strong women :-) thank you for your kind words. Some days i think I'm crazy to still be here but we tolerate crazy things when it comes to love. Keep in touch
Thanks Lindsay

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