Please Help Me With Methadone Questions & Withdrawl (Page 2)

I have been on methadone for 9 months... I was up to 80 mg but have managed to get down to 20 mg over the past 5 months or so. I am wanting to get off it all together but I am so scared because I don't want to feel miserable from the wd. Since I have been on it less than a year, will the wd still be horrible? Should I go from the methadone to suboxone to make it any easier or just keep going down on the methadone? How long will the wd's last once I am off everything? I go to the clinic so I am not doing it on my own, it is medically supervised. Can anyone PLEASE help me with some good advice??

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Hey Stacee
I was watching for a message from you; I guess we can't include our email.
My "normal ness" passed of course. I feel like I've taken too much cold medicine-that's how I feel. Plus an overdose of Doom & Gloom.
I read Brads message. I'm not sure I completely understand everything, although he made a lot of good points. I have been making myself walk every day; I believe that helps.
So how are you? I don't know anything about methadone dosing, the lower the better, I know that! Have you made a plan? A time table? If you were to completely stop, do you have things going on that being sick for a couple of days would interfere with? It's important to make preparations wherever possible. Have you decided to skip the Suboxone? When you took it before did it help your depression? I thought it did help mine, but looking back, I was just high.
I don't like giving all my power away to a damn pill; what happens if the pill is no longer available? These people who plan on being on maintenance doses til they die? s$&@ happens! Insurance companies quit paying, doctors lose their licenses....
I really am sorry I didn't get your email. I wonder if there's a way to just phrase it differently? Im going to try later, but send this beforehand.

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Hi Niele.. Well at least you know that you will feel good soon and that it can happen! As far as the cough syrup feeling..ugh...I can't imagine why you felt that way. So you have been totally off the Suboxone for 75 days?? I had a bad bad experience with Suboxone. I know people and doctors say it is a matience drug and you can be on it your whole life, etc. Well, it is actually ONLY suppose to be used as a short term drug to get people off whatever addicting opiate they may be on. The scary part is that most doctors and people don't know this. Like I said, I had been on and off it for about 2 years. When I was off it, I was using. I knew how to manipulate it so that I would wait long enough that I wouldn't get sick but I could use pills and still feel their effects. Anyway, I had one doctor telling me that I would need it my whole life, I had been to plenty of doctors and outpatients...some didn't even know what PAWS was!! I couldn't believe it! I finally met someone that knew everything about Suboxone and PAWS. She was not a dr. but a therapist and a friend. Everything she explained to me was right on. She was the one that helped me get off. So you asked if the Suboxone helped ny depression.. HECK NO! lol. It made me sooo depressed towards the end when I was still taking it and when I got off the paws for me was soooo bad. I couldn't drag myself out of bed or the house or even muster up enough energy to take a walk. And that was because I had been on it way way too long which no doctor ever informed me. I have been dealing with this for about 8 years. My drug of choice was roxy's... instant release oxy's aka "Blues." Not sure if you know what they are. Brad did have some good info. some of it I did not understand either...lol. But I am on 18 mg of Methadone now...1x a day and plan on moving down to 15mg on Wed. I actually feel better since I moved down. But I am waiting for the big boom to drop!! As far as the Suboxone.. I am not going to take it. I figure just keep going down from the methadone. I don't know about you but when I was on the sub. towards the end, I was taking a tiny tiny speck of it (pill form) and just from getting off that speck the wd with sheer hell. So what I really wanted to talk about was the depression...I am on 450 mg of Wellbutrin, 200 mg of Lamictal, 40mg of Viibryd. Also. 70 mg of Vyvanse just to get out of bed in the morning and deal with my brain fog. I feel like I am working with 1 brain cell sometimes...lol. How are you handling depression? I know I asked you about the name that you used for depression that could not be cured (something like that). I was interested in learning more about that. I am 42 and have dealt with depression since I was 16. A long time. The antidepressants keep it under wraps...I have been on every antidepressant out there. For a while some would work great and then stop. What about you??? Hope you feel okay today!! Ps.. What state do you live in? Just curious. I'm in Florida, where most of the addicts are...lol!!

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Hi Niele,
I literally just spent 25 minutes writing you and when I sent it, it said it had to be reviewed. Whay does it do that?? I wrote so much and some good info about Suboxone!! I'm mad....lol!!

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Hi Brad! Thank you so much for taking the time to give me so much information!! I really appreciate that!! I could still make out what you were saying even though some of the sentenced were repeated. So I am actually now on 18mg of Methadone. and I only take it 1time per day. Today is day number 4 since I went from 20 to 18 mg and I feel great actually! On Wed. I plan to go down to 15 mg of the Methadone. I am on several antidepressants. 450mg of Wellbutrin, 200 mg Lamictal, 40 mg Viibryd, 70 mg of Vyvanse ( just to get me out of bed in the morning and help with brain fog, concentration). I am familiar with the name of the medication you were trying to think of, Gabapentin. I actually used to take it in the past and I know that a high dose of about 1800mg will help with opiate wd. Any other suggestions now that you know my meds and details?? Thank you so much!!

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Hi again Niele!! I wrote Brad an email and I listed all the Antidepressants I am on. I had actually put this in the email I tried to send to you too. Can you read the message I wrote to him so you can see what I take? I really wanted to discuss the depression thing with you. Do you mind telling me what you take? You had asked me if the Suboxone helped with my depression...NO, it actually made it worse. But then again I was on and off it for 2 years and it is only suppose to be used as a short term drug to help get off opiates, not a long term drug but of course doctors don't tell you that!!

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Hey Staycee,

This probably won't send either, but.... I think it would very naive to think that anybody besides the pharmaceutical companies or some branch of the medical community sponsors & monitors this website. It has been very helpful to me, but that's just a fortunate by-product. I've tested the boundaries some...and, yeah if you spoke out too strongly against subs, won't go through. Haven't you seen the pop-ups? "Opioid addiction?" "Free coupon for Suboxone." No way you'll see this but my email is {edited for privacy}. Good luck!

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Hey Staycee
I sent you a message earlier-it is under review. I knew it would be; occasionally one passes review, comes in late. I'm not gonna hold my breath for this one, K? LOL
You're on a lot of psych meds. Do they help? I mean can you tell the difference?
What's your diagnosis? Mine is PTSD & bipolar depression. However, I got so tired of being their guinea pig, anytime I have to deal with a psychiatrist (detox, anytime I pick up a bottle, I'm headed to the hospital) I just snarl & tell them I'm a Borderline. Can't medicate the Borderline!
Right now there is so much going on in my head, I just want a clean slate. I do take Gabapentin & Topamax for seizures. I am VERY lucky to have had the G during this, but I'm addicted (physically) to it. I take an old school tricyclic antidepressant for migraines. It knocks me out at night. I don't have a thyroid, my BP has been super high, I take hormones!!!!!! It's hardly a clean slate, ya know?
I've got to go job hunting this week, the timing of this whole fiasco is very very BAD.

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Hi staceey,

Thank you for replying. you wanted to know what I had to say after your medicine list. I have a lot to say once again. I'm using voice recognition so everybody excuse me. I own a few businesses and my daily duties keep me busy but I make time to do things like this because its what I enjoy. there's no way I could type most of the time anyways. it wouldn't help anyway. through all my studies I missed grammar school somewhere lol. but let me give you some history on myself first so maybe you would take what I have to say very serious, which I hope you do. to anybody that reads this forum, this lady listened to me to see an unbelievable change. I'm 41 years old I my self have dealt with serious depression issues most of my life. I've chased the answers for decades. I noticed my family history there was a lot of depression issues a lot of bipolar issues I was just paying attention but then as the next generation come up I seen similar issues is not a hit and miss in our family it is a very heavy trait. I noticed that there were some in the family that were diagnosed as bipolar no fancy names is straight forward bipolar not bipolar depression not bipolar blah blah blah. so here I am having serious issues every other day wondering if I was going to to put a gun to my head the only thing that kept me from doing is a little boy I've never been a coward okay I could tell myself there's no way I'm going to let this boy grow up I think its whole life and think his dad was a coward that just couldn't happen. Stacey bear with me, this is going somewhere hang on ok. like a/my business when I get interested in something I don't stop. it drives some people absolutely crazy. I set myself to the side. he was thinking about My son. I was doing a lot of studying already had 7 years on and off psychology. and I understood that bipolar typically every other generation so thinking of my Son and watching my family they would go years and years of suffering and then finally get diagnosed bipolar medicated correctly seem to go in life just fine. I could not allow my son to go through life - so I was going to learn the symptoms that way I I could catch them for him very young and spare Him the suffering.

So of course I get obsessed with it. to anybody reading please continue reading depression bipolar very very heavy in families and people in general it is so bad it is so bad to anybody reading this it is a fact if it does not Touch you directly it is in a family member very close to you you may not be able to reach out and help them but maybe understand them.to possibly save your relationship with Them.meanwhile I'm having problems of my own I'm going from general MD to another explaine my symptoms every last one depression depression depression they were treating me so hard for depression I actually had a serotonin overdose I was on life support for 7 days because of that in shot they give me so many different antidepressants to try to stop depression I was at the maximum treatment for depression. I had an old psychiatrist at the hospital that had been there for 40 years this hospital is rated second in the country and he kept touching me through the years by when I would come in to the ER my mind was completely shut down almost to a retardation state sometimes probably worse I gained a severe interest to this old psychiatrist he gained so much interest to find what is wrong with me and to know what to be causes this he had me flagged. So every time I come into the hospital who is there to take care of me. I was not even aware of this for a couple years. as I'm going to the doctors for this problem that I have these symptoms I'm asking the whole time could just be bipolar it's heavy in my family every last Dr said no. but I'm wondering I'm doing more studying studying is through the studying back to my son I'm finding the medical community is not sure but a lot of problems this in mind is coming back to the way they treat bipolar they're not saying all these problems are bipolar but they stabilize the two chemicals in the brain as they do in bipolar patients it seems to stop a lot of problems even down to the children they have a DD it's a treat them as bipolar and stabilize this chemicals it stops the problem instead of giving them methamphetamine. I found the some doctors that refuse to listen to this more old school doctors new school doctors insist to treat children with bipolar medication and there is a teen and mouth of bipolar medications find just taking a mood stabilizer put the individual back into a stable psychological state in most cases may be a little antidepressant added makes the person able to get through life the patient typically claims they are just perfect the debate is are they or were they just so messed up that now they feel great but in comparison to a normal person are they great pretty much everybody has through your hands up if they think they feel great and they act good to other people leave it alone don't keep over medicating did you hear that Stacey. over medicating in fact it scares a lot of patience away from treatment when a doctor throws a lot of medications at them it makes them sometimes feel worse a doctor does that when you're not sure and they take as in route route its called shotgun.Theory in the medical community so Throw a lot of medication at them Throw them out the door.

So try to shorten it up a little bit I did a lot of studying tremendous amount Threw all my troubles the old psychiatrist at the hospital in one of my episodes took me out of sedation after I heard you have been working on me 48 hours a day 4 days a week out of just that time when he woke me I was in a bad fog I'll never forget this he put his hand on my chest said I can't explain it medically but I'm going to treat you as new medicine says to do.he said his personal belief is that it is the way to go and ensure me my problems were over when I was fully awake and recovery he asked do you feel any different at all I said yes actually I do he told me that he had been give me medication for a week it takes 6 weeks to take full effect is then after 6 weeks you need blood work do just that medication to its maximum effect that medication is everybody has heard of it .that medication is depakote it is meant to stabilize the chemicals Stacy your depression problems is because one of the chemicals out of the two if you drop way down in the old way of thinking raises serotonin to pull that chemical backup is not the correct treatments the correct treatment is stabilize the two chemicals to where they are equal side beside then if it is just a little off an antidepressant will be added to it and then you will feel an unbelievable difference when depakote is at the right Dose it is a remarkable difference I'm not saying you're bipolar he very well could be but the point is the same medication which we all know every medication isn't found to be in multi use medication it can be used for multiple things I'm leaving a lot as a story I know is just getting too long wish I could write a book I almost wrote one here lol.

So here's my advice to you Stacy he almost have to listen not only have I been through it I've been through it to the extreme I have studied psychology for years I know only study that I studied the whole medical community on these issues I don't believe anybody to see. Can lay it out on paper the wise they just know it works the new medical community like the psychiatrist I have now he is young but he was referred to me from the psychiatrist from the hospital Eazy E is the absolute smartest man I've ever met when it comes to the brain he is along with all the same Theories that I have found on my own took me years to do so and we have never discussed it he learned it through school I learned it through a lot of studying and personal experience so please listen you've got to be careful about coming off all the antidepressants I know that sounds hard what you want me to come off and her presents that is what you are thinking but yes I want you to come on every last one but do it under medical supervision or I can tell you how but do not come off of any until you do this first it is a very long process but this will Fix u so please listen. at first remain on the antidepressants and I want you to start on depakote 500 milligrams in the AM 500 grams in the PM please do not say I have tried this before you have not tried it this week I promise because if he did you would not have a problem so try it anyway please 500 milligrams depakote in the morning 500 milligrams at night this is just a starting Dose. like I say remain on the antidepressant for now. then after 4 weeks I want you to take 50 milligrams in the morning then a thousand milligrams at night for 6 weeks then K Dr you want blood work don't let the i**** tell you what to do if you happen to get the right psychiatrist he will already know this and be doing it or at least agree with you that you could be on the right path if he is not leave him and find another do not let a general medical doctor treat.

This makes sure a psychiatrist most I don't care for but you will find the right one probably going to be a younger Dr with newer education after you get the blood work the doctor will know by your score do you want to be as close to a hundred on the point system as possible everybody's different to the amount of medication that you will need when you write six weeks of fifteen hundred milligrams at night excuse me if I told you 1500 before I was wrong 500 in the morning and a thousand at night for a total of 1500 day sorry for the correction we were at 6 weeks on that DOse I want you to start pulling the anti-depressants off you got to do it slowly some of them you may be able to Pull off instantly if they work on the same nerve pathways but your doctor will notice you got to cool off and then slowly she keep from withdrawals Key. Is slow if you do not you could go through withdrawals of feels like an electric shock in your brain or you could commit suicide so please slow tell the doctor to last few that you may come off of make sure the last ones that are in the same nerve pathways as effexor. effexor is a really good antidepressant it takes away physical pain anxiety depression which is it in depression are connected and eventually your your final dose should be 150 milligrams in the morning in a hundred fifty at night meanwhile keep going with the blood work and get the depakote at its maximum potential remember give it six weeks before you judge it as the maximum potential when the effexor that it is maximum potential of 6 weeks as well you will feel like a different person you cannot get out of bed more than likely you had a heavy dose of the wrong antidepressant and they keep throwing the shotgun fury at you you are over medicated so just remain on the depakote when you get it to the maximum potential if they on the effexor at its maximum potential and you will be a different person do not let them talk you into the ones I said, then I promise Stacy you will be just fine. everybody watch if she does this and you were here you'd see a different person. I promise you'll be ok and see an unbelievable difference. I hope that you listen and do exactly as I say. you need to write down the directions. Today I praise Jesus that you listen. good luck......

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You asked a question, did depression and suboxone help? that is funny that I caught that because I was fixing to write 2 of course help you but possibly anybody else that may read. I'll try to keep this short because I do write books for the reason of 14 years of doing this I try to get it across as deeply as I can. if you want to know in detail how I come up with this just ask. I'll be glad to write it. but I found through years of detoxing people, years ago from your typical opiates, I would use xanax to help with anxiety when slowly pulling somebody off. I didn't like the idea because of this fact you could be causing another problem, but in short notice is the only answer I found to be really easy. after being educated to detox people can do it without a quiver, but that became its not a challenge very soon the problem is the people returned into it relapse that's what got me how do I stop it I ask myself well I bumped into the answer when I was detoxing people from methadone for a few years I would not touch in methadone patient but as I got educated I felt comfortable people with methadone addiction seem to know they're in serious trouble unlike typical opiate addiction so they seem to be a little more patient once I explain to them you're going to have anxiety coming off and then after months but I cannot let you xanax I've got to put you on an antidepressant for anxiety 6 weeks prior to detoxing so basically I'm telling you for your own health I know it sounds backwards but keep getting high until this is in your system xanax and a antidepressant both work on the same nerve pathways antidepressant take 6 weeks to take full effect and a xanax takes 20 minutes. Tell me why don't you use xanax for anxiety and depression issues instead of an antidepressant. someone swears xanax works better. it does not. it just seems to because it's 20 minutes in and the anxiety is over because xanax is instant release for depression. to those that don't know or understand is that it is caused from depression. depression makes anxiety. it is from over over worrying.

Yes my answers are long but you to get better you got to educate yourself on what is wrong with you if you solely depend on the doctor for other people it's going to be hard for you to recuperate please read this and learn so anyway when I was using an antidepressant on methadone patients because I could not use xanax because of the methadone xanax mixture any benzo is potentially deadly but at the right dose the antidepressant in the one I prefer to seems to do the best is high doses of Effexor work your way at 150 milligrams twice a day but what I figured out after time is the patience that I was detoxing from methadone the relapse rate drops tremendously I ask myself do these people have depression problems and they don't even realize it so instead of using xanax on any opiates addicted patient I started using anti depressants and kept them on antidepressants and I found the relapse rate once again drop tremendously that cost me years ago to start studying deeper can't go into all that but has found concrete evidence that's drug addiction of any kind even alcoholism is directly connected to depression that's why people seek a drug that does not make them bad people they just know it makes him feel better they have every right to want that it's just unfortunate that people are not educated in this but the doctor said I have been in contact with for years say that it is coming that it will be common knowledge it also works this way people don't realize they even have maybe a minor depression problem or even severe but once injured input on opiates wow I feel a lot better your mind feels better not so much the injury that's where the addiction comes in. addiction has a big dark cloud over it. but it is not your fault because it circles back to depression every time if you treat an addict for depression before they are withdrawn the odds of them relapsing is unbelievably reduced and I personally feel that is very few that are left that do relapse possibly depression was not treated aggressively enough but I'm in the middle of the studies now getting back the relapse patients intriguing and more aggressively for depression.

Shelly now do you understand why you were reaching for the suboxin sweetheart? you don't need suboxone, you need to treat depression. I understand taking opiates get depression off of you but its not the right way to treat it Band Aid go after the problem not not the band aid I'm not sure which one of these will post first but I wrote you another book if you get this one first read it but when you read the other one maybe it'll make more sense to anybody else getting off any drug especially opiates this seems to be a direct link excuse me not seems get is a direct link anybody that is planning to come off of opiates do yourself a favor even if you think you are not depressed get on an antidepressant preferably effexor like I say run it up to a hundred 150 milligrams twice today and stay on it even after you are fully detox I would guess a year but typically depression problems do not go away forever I wish they on an antidepressant the day I died to ,if it kept me sober to go one step further depression and bipolar what they're calling the bipolar seems to be a direct link I have found in just a personal belief it is hard to say bipolar is taking it is just one problem I feel that the medical community is not sure but they know if you throw a mood leveler white depakote which seems to be the best one does wonders for depression they keep coming up with fancy names for manic depression then bipolar now they have bipolar depression I think they should all just say we don't know what the hell it is don't know why but we know throw a mood leveler at it and it stops the depression remember depression is directly linked to addiction so stop the depression then you got a fighting chance a real good one of stopping same subject but a total different area talking about sobriety that's what is important staying off the pills. something else most people do not understand when your on pills for a long time really don't take a long time it stops chemicals in your brain that naturally give you energy. thats number 1 or 2 reason for relapse. there's only one extract that really helps tremendously with energy, which is called Green Bean Coffee Extract. you can get it at a health food store or unsure of the Internet. take it in abundance. remember treat depression for 6 weeks prior to detoxing and exercise. I'm not sure if I mentioned that I was there. I'm very tired, but exercising is what boosts the natural chemicals in your brain for energy. kind of jump start them. do not overdo it. it's the antidepressant, green coffee bean extract, and exercise that will keep you off the pills.

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Hey Staycee,
I got your longer message finally. I will do my best to be appropriate so that this will go thru! Treatment resistant depression is one of my "diagnoses." It just basically means that all the medications they have given me have had little to no effect. I've tried a plethora of SSRIs & a few tricyclics. They don't really prescribe MAO inhibitors anymore except in extremely controlled environments. ECT is never an option for me, I already have a seizure disorder. So, I was in detox (late stage chronic alcoholic, I stupidly binged & once it's in me, my disease takes over completely & I end up in the hospital) & the psychiatrist tells me that in Europe they're treating alcoholism & treatment resistant depression with Suboxone. I have a co-addiction to opiates & he says it's bad enough to get subs. I just gotta "play the game." On Suboxone the thought of alcohol sickens me-I literally get queasy & I'm in a damn good mood. All I need is 2 mgs. And I can't use opiates, obviously! But...every time I get in a clinic, it gets messed up-TOTALLY without my help. First time, I was using MedRide-my insurance pays for it-they're late. Kicked out. 2nd time, flunked for benzos? didnt take any. Don't even know where to get any! Kicked out AND FLAGGED! So I just decided to use my "leftovers" til they were gone. It was zubsolv, so it was like a speck or 2, not even every day. I literally had NO IDEA that I was taking some PIMPED OUT METHADONE!

That stuff is scary. I'm mad at myself for believing there ever could be a "magic cure." Deep down, especially the way nothing ever worked out, I knew it wasn't the right thing, but the consequences really came as a huge surprise. These last 2 months have been some of the hardest of my life & it's not even over. I do consider myself back to "normal" with PAWS mixed in though. I've fought for it. I feel like I literally FOUGHT to stay sane (ok, sane-ish lol). I guess I'm going to follow up at the local mental health providers...some more 20 yr olds telling me how to act....do you like the Vii-whatever? I read it's not supposed to interfere with libido (can't have that! All my admirers beatin down the door, right?) Planning on going to some sort of 12 step meeting...for some reason that's scary. I don't have a great deal of human contact, which is a byproduct of the subs. I have no idea how I got so isolated, off in my own little world. I moved to another town & haven't even met my neighbors-8 months now. But definitely, gotta tackle that depression thang. Some of its definitely situational, gonna try to handle that first. Tennessee. They had to change the Oxys back in early part of century because everybody in East Tennessee was on them! (They were sweeeeet). In Nashville now. Mexican gangs are running it. The thought of me out there trying to score is HILARIOUS. I have NO street smarts anymore....later, hope your tapers going well. Keep me posted. And I will send this to be reviewed!!!!

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I so did not say Mexican gangs are running Nashville! Republicans are running Nashville! An important detail was edited for content.

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Hi Niele... You are so politically correct...lol. You gotta be these days, that's for sure. Yes, I have heard that suboxone helps with alcoholism but never knew anyone that used it for that reason. Have you tried Antabuse or Naltrexone or anything like that? As far as isolating, that is all I do. It's not good. I just don't want to be bothered with anyone or anything. I need to start working a real job but the thought of even looking for a job is ugh ugh. I am just hoping that I will feel better once I am off the methadone. I know it won't happen right away of course. I have also gained so much weight on the Methadone, that is one of the reasons I want to get off it too. So I am dual diagnosis obviously....depression and addiction. It's not easy to find a good doctor that can really help. I have been through sooo many therapists. I have tried every antidepressant there is and like I said, I feel like they work at first and then stop after a while. That's why I was asking you about your situation. I do know though if I were to stop all the antidepressants, I would go clinically insane. Legit. How have you felt today??

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Nile I don't want to disrespect but standing back and listening to your stories God does it spell bipolar bipolar bipolar use a favor it is not going to make you feel indifferent get on depakote keep getting blood work and running to the maximum level they treat me for depression so hard I wasput on life supportfor 7 days because of a serotonin overdose that is what antidepressants do raise the serotonin in your brain they finally after years put me on depakote and stripped all antidepressants they did Polly put me back on a very light dose I feel perfectly fine all doctors swore I was not bipolar it was depression it took an old psychiatrist they kept up with new medical treatments that had been at a hospital I was at for 40 years he said without a doubt I was the worst bipolar patient he'd ever met so bad to confirm it he did a brain scan but he said the crazy thing is after depakote I responded better then the least bipolar patient his opinion when I'm on depakote I am symptom free he cannot even tell I'm bipolar take me off of depakote sure till then I did a lot of suffering it sure wouldn't hurt to get put on it it does not change the way you feel as far as a downside to it been 6 weeks you can sure tell a difference and then restart run it up higher and checking your blood when I get you closer to the level you supposed to be at you can really tell a difference I hope you try it it's not going to hurt you

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Hey Staycee gurl,

It's not me being politically correct! I keep getting revised! I'm just trying to say that since the DEA has cracked down on prescription opiates, I "think" the street variety is what's prevalent these days! I'm very sheltered; I have no friends who use & I look like a soccer mom! (umm...whose kids play soccer in college lol). Right now, I am thoroughly & utterly disgusted & infuriated with the medical community at large. I went to those people for HELP & they screwed me. One, by putting me on Suboxone. Two, abruptly taking me off without a VALID reason. Three, denying me the merest knowledge, (this is when I was inpatient for 5 days last month) much less treatment, of PAWS. They couldn't have me going in the day room & telling all these subbed-out patients, "guess what, ya'll?" (Cuz I do got a big mouth). Didn't even give me Clonidine, now how hard would that have been? Sent me home, where I got WORSE, I SWEAR I think I nearly stroked out a couple times (thank God for Gabapentin & websites).

But...as a result of all of that, I feel stronger & saner than I have in a very long time. Very Neitzsche-esque: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I begged for help. But I was all alone during this last sub detox. I get sooooo sick from alcohol, but eventually I'll have a seizure, or 3 horrible days will pass. But 2 1/2 months? And I feel like I got lucky-could be worse from what I've heard. I've FORCED myself to exercise & I have drank several 100 gallons of water. I've kept an inner dialogue, with God I guess, that I can make it. I can DO this. I HAVE to. Cuz nobody else is going to do it for me. Family's all dead, except for my b**** sister (pharmacist, how ironic, right?), my friends have careers & families....and I don't look like THAT anymore. Being very pretty & getting old is like being rich & going bankrupt. I'm having a middle-aged crisis over it. Time to work on my personality? Time to do SOMETHING different.
It sounds like you are on the right track to getting off of methadone & that really there should be no surprises. The part of sub wd that I can't deal with well & never experienced with other opiate wd is the anxiety. I noticed that caffeine, sugar & nicotine (6 months-smoke free, still on the gum tho) bring it on. So I'm thinking, "what about the Vyvanse?" That's methamphetamine, right? (Which I've never done btw, so I don't know, that's why I'm asking. I get tweaked off a Red Bull & I'm pretty hyper, & with the seizures, I was scared to.) Because I still have to chew the gum, I'm addicted to nicotine! Do you need to taper the V too, maybe? That would be a concern to me.
Your next drop in dosage is Wed right? I'm glad you have medical supervision. I guess this was something I had to do on my own for once. I honestly do not know how many times I've been to detox 30? 40?

And alcohol? Yuck! I hate EVERYTHING about it. Smell, taste, feeling. I hate it all so so much! And yet, when I drink, it's like I'm in a trance. Antabuse-makes you sick when you drink. I got that one covered. Naltrexone-Vivitrol, tried a 30 day shot of that. I have no words. Thank God my friend had some Subutex. People are way too dismissive of the Naloxone in subs. I know for a fact it's still in my body; I can tell by the way I get nauseous when I think of drinking. I think my alcoholism somehow made my wd worse. My mu receptors are somehow different, the antagonist properties of Naloxone bind to them longer, harder-I dunno, not a neurobiologist, but I'd like to know because it miraculously takes away part of my alcoholic mentality, which I don't even think of as the real me-it has a life & a mind of its own. It has ONE goal: TO KILL ME, & damn right I'm scared of it.

I'm so glad it's spring! I actually got a little sunburned today during my walk. Something about the spirit of renewal sort of inspires me. But, I did NOT look for a job (so scary, I haven't had one in 6 yrs) and I'm broke. I did NOT go to a meeting (2 blocks from here never seemed so far). Okay, that's a lot of babble (pls remember I don't get out much..at all..lol) that probably needs to be reviewed & edited for content. (That would be a fun job!) What part of Florida do you live in?

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Hey Brad,
You're so right! My entries sound waaaay dramatic! I didn't do a very good job of formulating a timeline. That took place over years, nothing recent but my sub issues. I'm also a writer, so sometimes I have a tendency to be a bit more concerned with the readers perception and it comes across a bit hyperbolic.
As for the Depakote, NOPE, AINT GONNA HAPPEN. There, was that over the top? I used to take that for my seizures and I used to be 50 lb fatter. So. Case closed. But no disrespect intended; thank you for taking the time to give me counsel. Please know that I appreciate it.

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Hey Staycee,

Looks like my last message isn't going to pass review. It was just me babbling, anyway. I was a little manic yesterday for some reason. I have "G.I. distress" today, I think my body's still flushing out toxins. I've got to taper my Gabapentin now. Usually I can get it filled early, but it's not looking too good right now ?? I was reading some other threads about people coming off of Methadone & I just wanted to let you know that I will be "here" for you through this. It's real scary stuff. Later....

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Ok. Good. Put all THAT up...but withhold my last 3? Sorry Staycee, I tried....

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Hey Staycee,

I hope your dosage reduction went well today. I've had a very PAWSy day. Lots of anxiety & my blood pressure is ridiculously high, 184/143? Pulse was down to 98 though. Wishing you well....

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Hi niele,

I was wondering, I did not catch it in the previous post, why did you take gabapentin for pain? If so what dose? I read some studies from a hospital on gab. in the right dose it's unreal for nerve pain. 3600mg a day is the best range. It never did a lot until a specialist put me on 3600. And gab. & Depakote are real similar. crazy thing is Depakote works on Neuropathy and gab helps bipolar. It's crazy.

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Hi Niele,
Are you feeling better today? It's so crazy how everyone's body is so different! When I experience Paws, I have no motivation, no zest for life, isolate and just don't want to get out of bed. I hope your blood pressure has gone down! Since dropping to 15 mg on Wednesday, I feel fine. No withdrawl at all, thank goodness.

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