Effects Of Lamotrigene (Top voted first)

Last June I started coming off Lamotrigine. I was on 125mg per day to stabilize my moods. I suffer from anxiety, depression, ocd, bpd, It did help at the start and pushed me to do things, but then it would wear off and I was told to keep increasing, but it started to affect my liver, my depression got worse, sweating, jewelry going black, and a few other things and I wanted to come off it. I slowly decreased it but as I was I started to get the shakes, upper torso and hands. The psychiatrist put me on Zyprexa to help with the withdrawals and also Benztropine for the shaking/tremours. I was having too many suicidal thoughts so I came off Zyprexa, but I still had the shakes. The doctor then put me on Valdoxan (Antidepressant) but that ended up putting me on the couch and I couldn't do anything and I still had the shakes. Then he put me on Deralin 40 (Propranolol) spelt that wrong, 2 x 40mg tablets per day. That took the shaking away but I slept all day. Then he told me to take it to 20mg, I still slept and I found my hair was falling out so he told me to stop and start back on the Valium 2 x 5mg per day. As I'm very sensitive to meds but they would stop the shaking but not for long. I ended up in December putting myself back on Lamotrigine after coming off them in Aug but I'm still shaking even after trying all the medication. Now the Psychiatrist has told me to go back on the Prop (Deralin) 20mg per day but it makes me tired, then I was told 10mg in the morning and 10mg at night but 10mg in the morning doesn't stop the shaking, then if I take another 10mg I'm tired, so I'm at a loss as to what to do and my hair keeps falling out and comes out in small chunks when I wash it and it scares me.

I've had an MRI and it's all good. Is my brain craving more of the Lamotrigine now? I'm handling things ok on 50mg per day so I really didn't want to increase it but if I do will it stop the shaking? I just can't function and dread getting up as I know as soon as I do the shaking starts all over again. I can't drive, write or do anything whilst I'm shaking. Even the 2mg of Benztropine makes me drowsy. It stops the inside tremors but not the outside shaking. I have to just lye down and try to sleep until it passes. I can't keep doing that every day. I was also told to take 10mg Deralin in the am and 10mg pm but as I mentioned 10mg doesn't stop the shaking. I honestly don't know what to do anymore and my doctor doesn't like giving me valium all the time. I did feel better taking that but again the valium didn't hold the shaking off for long. Now the Psychiatrist says it's not the Lamotrigine that caused the shaking and I need to see a Neurologist, but the MRI came up ok, or I've been told that now my anxiety isn't suppressed it's coming out full blown and I need a psychologist again, but I've been there and done that. I'm at a loss and this is making my depression even worse. Hope you have some advise as I'm over 3 Psychiatrist, 3 different opinions, docs etc and I don't know what to do. An I don't want to lose anymore hair. I've researched that there are alternatives to Deralin 40 (Prop) or Clobazam (not sure if my doc will prescribe it) or calcium blockers or if I should just go back to the valium but again my doctor doesn't like prescribing it but I also want to know how long the shaking will go on for or whether my brain will get used to the 50mg Lamotrigine and stop, but at this point it's been 9 months and still shaking. From June 2016 - August 2016 shaking and stopped Lamotrigine. Dec 2016 started Lamotrigine again and still shaking. Thanks.

Follow up: After coming off Lamotrigene in August 2016, I'd been shaking since May as I slowly had to decrease, but then after a couple of other meds to try and help me come off Lamotrigene. I felt suicidal, then went on anti depressant which made me worse. I couldn't handle life well at all after stopping Lamotrigene in Aug so by December 2016 I had to go back on it but the shaking still hasn't stopped.

3 Psychiatrists have all given me 3 different opinions and they keep telling me it's not the Lamotrigene that's making me shake, but the shaking only started when I was coming off it.

Had MRI and that's ok. I was taking 25mg Lamotrigine to start, then 50mg, now started 75mg a week or so ago and I'm still shaking. It's my upper torso and hands. Sometimes my left side is worse than my right and my left hand sometimes has jerking movements by itself.

I was put on a beta blocker and that stopped the shaking but my hair began falling out and still is and I was only on 10mg or 20mg of Propolol (sorry spelt that wrong) so I had to stop. Now I'm trying to manage the shaking just with Valium but the Valium doesn't work for long. The doctor said 2 x 5mg twice a day but I don't get relief for long and sometimes the shaking gets painful. Or the valium makes me tired. Hard to write, which also gets painful, drive or do anything. I just have to sit and wait it out. I find if I go back to bed I still tremble inside but then I fall asleep, or if i don't sleep I read but again the shaking and trembling seem to ease, but as soon as I get back up again the shaking comes back.

Try putting eyeliner or mascara on with the shaking!!! So I stopped putting make up on as well.

I'm waiting on an EEG now to check the brain waves. It's all so draining but I need to find out what's causing this. I still think it's my brain craving more Lamotrigene really as that seems to have been the trigger. I was on on it for 3 years 125mg per day which is probably a low dose compared to others but I couldn't tolerate any higher and ended up in hospital with severe pain in my right side lower back and I could hardly walk and I was vomiting. So, my body was telling me it was too much.

I just don't know what to do and the Psychiatrist thinks it's Neurological, but I don't think it is. I do suffer from extreme anxiety and depression and some have said that now that I wasn't on Lamotrigene it's my body letting it all out, hence the shaking. But I can't live with the shaking every day and don't know what to do. It's messing up my life as I can't even drive until the shaking slows down. Even my head feels like it's going to fall off as it wobbles so much as well.

I was so hoping that once I went back on Lamotrigene the shaking would stop but it hasn't and I'm so frustrated as I'm not getting an resolution.

I'm also on 40mg Nexium, HRT 2mg, Zolpidem 5mg at night and now Biotin as although the beta blocker stopped the shaking it made my hair fall out, so I had to stop taking that.

I may also have Chronic Pancreatitis, small intestine problem which I'll find out when I have the Gastriscopy this month as I did have acute pancreatitis, then major surgery but the pain over the years has just got worse and I just found out I have 4 large Gall stones, so I'm on a waiting list to get the gall bladder removed. Which I wish would hurry up. I have no or very little appetite, bloating, abdomen pain, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, abdomen pain lower right goes through to back sometimes, upper back pain in between shoulder blades and I'm losing probably a kilo a month so my weight is down to 45 kilo now, from 50 kilo since Dec. I only got back up to 50 kilo due to meds which I had to stop taking. I can't eat properly and manage on protein powder, banana & yoghurt most days or I forget to eat as I don't feel hungry.

I'm in desperate need of advice as I can't handle all the illness every day and I don't know what to do or maybe one of the other illnesses are causing the shaking or whether it is neurological. I'm just over the illness every day. I have no quality to life, have shut myself off from the world and don't leave the house unless I really have to. Don't talk to anyone, no motivation, no interest in doing anything. I need help please.

Have you got any suggestions please?

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Sorry, I forgot to say I was put on Lamotrigene as I mood stabiliser as anti depressants don't agree with me. I also have OCD and supposedly Borderline Personality Disorder, which I thought all had the same symptoms as depression, but yes, I also have depression on top.

Just thought I'd try to give you as much information as possible. I'm desperate for advice.

Thank you

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If the Valium helps keep taking it. So who gives a f*** what the doctor doesn't like giving. If that helps then take it. God knows what other medication he's been giving is a thousand times worse. I'm sick of these f****ing ***** doctors.

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Here I am again. Sorry but things keep cropping up in my mind that I think are important that I haven't included in my post. My first post I put my problem under "Upper torso and hands shaking on lamotrigine" I think. I just wanted to mention that after being on lamotrigine for 3 years, my mood would still get low and every time it did I was told by my Psychiatrist to increase the dose. It was getting that bad that I couldn't even get in the shower and I didn't want to do anything, so up the dose went and pushed me along, but it was also affecting my liver and other things and I'd really had enough of it and wanted to let my brain start working for itself again. I thought I was strong enough to be able to manage, but I wasn't and I was back to crying all the time over anything, snapping at people over nothing, tired, still not eating, I felt useless, worthless, no quality to life, suicidal, felt like I was going crazy, I even asked my Psychiatrist to admit me to a Psychiatric place as I just couldn't cope, but the beds were all full, and my list could go on and of course I had the shaking as well. I even had to try a small puff of Marijuana and that stopped the shaking within 5 mins and it was such a relief. I hadn't tried it before but I watched video's where it had worked with Parkinson's and a few other things and a lot of people told me to try it and I was getting desperate to try anything. I'd literally had enough. I definitely didn't want to go back on lamotrigine but I felt I had no choice and I was getting nowhere with the doctors. The shaking was also getting so painful and I would have clench my hands into a fist to try an stop the pain and I clench my teeth as well to try and ride over the pain. Due to still having the shaking I still have to have the odd puff now and again when I can't stand it anymore and I don't want to have to do that either, but it sure did work and I was able to concentrate, drive and do my daily routine, but as I said I don't do that all the time. Some say I should, but I think even though it helps me it's like medications it's masking the underlying problem and I so want to find out what's causing it. I hope it's not the lamotrigine because if it is I don't know what I will do as my brain doesn't seem to be able to function now without it, that's why I'm thinking it's my brain saying it wants more lamotrigine, hence the shaking as it's like withdrawal symptoms.

Lamotrigine has been good for me in some ways, but in other ways it hasn't. It certainly blocked my emotions and I felt like I couldn't even cry anymore (even at funerals) and I have definitely stopped all my impulsive behaviors, which to me I was having fun but it wasn't good. I was drinking and that helped me with the anxiety and depression, PTSD etc, but that put me in hospital with acute pancreatitis, I was just doing things I normally wouldn't have done, so yes, the lamotrigine has slowed me down, but also stopped my libido as well, so I found that was another side affect (not happy) but I can't do much about that and believe me I've tried, but yep lost all interest in that and sometimes don't even want anyone to touch me or cuddle me, nothing. I don't even think of intimacy anymore. Anyone else found that has happened to them? So is lamotrigine good or bad as a mood stabilizer etc? It's quite informative to read other people's stories and it makes me feel like I'm not alone with my problems. We're all looking for guidance and don't seem to be getting a lot of help from professionals, so sharing what may have worked for some an not for others is a good thing. Think I'm frustrated over my whole ordeal of being unwell every day. Always something popping up and I never seem to be able to get out of the deep dark hole. I keep trying but always get dragged back down. Life is meant to be lived and I'm definitely not living it and my 2 young adult sons see me like this every day and they worry and feel hopeless as there's nothing they can do. Their mum has gone from being such a strong person, working, determined, independent, focused, dancing, outgoing etc, to now hiding away from the world and very sad. Don't know what to do anymore so I hope someone has some thoughts. I'd love to hear them. Thanks.

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I suffer from many of the same conditions: severe generalized anxiety, often with tremors/shaking and pacing; OCD; BP2 and some PSTD. Originally, I tried many antidepressants when misdiagnosed with depression alone and such did not help much. Later tried several mood stabilizers which were ineffective and had intolerable side effects. While not perfect, Lamotrigine has at least greatly helped with several of my my conditions. I have completely avoided addictive meds such as Valium as addiction is yet a seperate hell. You may want to try Buspar for the anxiety tho it has very minimal effects for me. By FAR, the med I have found most useful for my anxiety and related erratic moods is Gabapentin. It is used off label for such. Again, it is not perfect but it is of significant help to me. Good luck.

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Get enough exercise (walking) everyday and eat healthy. Take a supplemental vitamin, Gingko Biloba, Asghwanda and Ginseng. Ginseng helps you focus and eases some anxiety. Do minj meditations throughout the day. Meditate for a few minutes, count down backwards (5 to 1, then zero). Imagine a positive light pouring over your body removing all negativity. Say several affirmations(such as I am alert, positive, confident, calm, happy, etc.) Then, do a countdown to come out of the meditation (1-5). Every little bit helps. If you can't sleep on certain nights, take something for your nerves before you sleep like chamomile, Valerian root, gabapentin or melatonin.

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I read your post I'm truly sorry I can completely empathize with your plight for mine is very similar. I would just like to say this to you please no you are not alone it may sound wrong it is comforting to me to know that I'm not the only person going through what I'm going through there's a lot of us and it is very unfortunate. That being said I would like to interject s with all the meds you're taking it gets overwhelming and you could have problems with them mixing with one another withdrawals excetera dialing and dialing then then I get all that been doing it still doing it but I would like to suggest there's breathing apps that I find extremely helpful can you a religious I find that helpful prior check her yoga meditation self hypnosis exercise if you can walking is great Sunshine is great interaction with people also great you mention medical marijuana I recently tried it and what it did was unbelievable it was an oil vaporize I've got the paperwork I live in Florida I'm approved I just have to fill the paperwork out but I haven't been well enough to do that but I did find that it worked in lieu of multiple medications who possibly replace multiple medications I think that would be a great thing. I could talk and fill up pages but I won't I just want you to know you're not alone and I hope my suggestions you will try or at least try to try them and I wish you well there's so much that I want to say but I just I can't do it right now but I have to acknowledge you I feel your pain I wish you all the best sincerely Erie

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I am saddened by what I have read and have no intention of being facetious.

Having had a long involvement with psychiatry, fortunately not succumbing to their nonsense so as not to have followed any drug treatment regime, you have to be so careful not to be drawn into their web of nonsense and deceit.

People end up in the hands of the psychiatric movement in their “hour of need”, where they are at most likely the weakest and most fragile time in their life and they are often treated as there is something “wrong” with them when in most cases there was nothing wrong with them but there sure as hell was something wrong with the circumstances they were living in.

I am not 100% anti-psychiatry as in anti all psychiatric drugs, but I feel the drugs should only be used as a short term prop (for most people – some who are seriously affected by something like schizophrenia may need drugs for most of their life), and the underlaying issues as regards the root of the trauma needed to be looked at and some serious life changes need to be made. I can hear the “oh no, I don’t have any choices” and that may be true for some but often not having any choices really means not having any choices you would wish to take. Often people are comfortable in their discomfort.

I notice you mention your sons, but do not mention your partner/husband. Have you faced trauma in your life and was this where are lot of your troubles started, you could no longer keep up the happy facade ?

It doesn’t take much to change a person’s life in either a good direction or a bad direction.

Often we live in a cloud where we don’t even know where the ground is.

I am not going to make any suggestions as regards what medication you should take, but what I would suggest is that if you looked to see where all this started, then maybe you will understand you are a victim of circumstances and that once you are given a peep outside the cloud, you can see where the ground is, and work with establishing who you are, and then slowly withdrawing from all drugs and create a new life even if it is not the life society programmed for you...

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Hi Hunybe, I'm sorry that your life sucks so much . I have a 40 yr old daughter who has been struggling with the same type of symptoms for the past 20 yrs . Have you tried Suboxone ? With all the pain you've been going through , I would say that you are an ideal candidate for this medication. It may also allow you to come off the many other meds that the 'experts ' have put you on . Best case scenario , it gets rid of your pain , helps you to think more clearly , stops the shakes and gets you back into the world , like a regular human being . It would be worth a try and if nothing else it may give you a little bit of breathing space , to re-assess your situation and think a bit more clearly about what else can be done to help you . Just a suggestion , as that's where we are at the moment . You probably know more about your own situation than any of the experts , so don't take their word as gospel . Listen to yourself and do your own research . I hope things start to improve for you soon xxx

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Thank you for your honest opinion and yep Im getting so frustrated with doctors and yes they do prescribe a lot more harmful drugs than Valium and as I found when I took Propanolol, the doctor or Psych didn't tell me my hair would fall out either. I was only on a low dose, but although it stopped the shaking I want to keep my hair.

I've been on Valium for many years but usually only half at night to help me sleep and if my anxiety got bad through the day another half, but now it seems like the Valium is the only thing helping control the shaking.

I'm waiting for an EEG to test my brain waves so hopefully that might show something. Or if it doesn't then I guess my theory of my brain wanting more Lamotrigene will be right but I really didn't want to increase the dose, again I'll have no choice if it's going to stop the shaking. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Everything's getting bit much for me. I have a ct scan of my pancreas next week, then the Gastroscopy to check the pancreas and small intestine as something maybe wrong, hence the reason I can't eat or don't feel hungry, then the EEG and then the general surgeon to take out the gall bladder. I'm overwhelmed by it all and trying to find people to drive me places is so hard as they all work and I don't have family that live near me and taxi's cost too much.

Thank you again.

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I do not think suboxone is the answer for you. It's an evil drug. I'm going thru withdrawals from this drug . It's the worst I ever felt in my life . From reading withdrawals last a month. And then post acute withdrawals will happen.
Please don't do it !!!! I hope you figure things out . I'm on lamitcal and take Valium too .
So far no difference w depression and anxiety for me . Anyway hang in the their . Everything will work out . Have faith !!!

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Thank you for your suggestion and I'm glad you understand what I'm going through and as you are also probably aware of that it's like living in hell. It's just surviving and not living.
I haven't tried the medication you suggested but I'm not sure if it's available in Australia I'd have to check with my doctor. If it helps with the pain and stops the shaking that would be absolutely perfect.
If it also gets me off Lamotrigene would be even better as well. I did try but I just couldn't function, so I had no choice but to go back on it when I really didn't want to.
I want my brain to think by itself again and to have some sort of normality in my life. I'll also have to wait to get this EEG done and see if there is something wrong and it's causing the shaking or whether it is the Lamotrigene or just back to the severe anxiety and stress, but if it is I don't know how to handle that. I've seen many a psychologist to try and sort it out but they just didn't work for me and our Psychiatrists are so expensive and I just can't afford one either. It's all so complicated.
Don't think I know what normal is anymore, I'm to used to being sick all the time. Guess that's my comfort zone now as I'm used to it but over it at the same time, if that makes any sense.

Thank you for your advice.

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Try to avoid too much solid food while adding milk thistle, ginger, holy basil, burdock root, dandelion root and turmeric to your diet. Consider buying Sodzyme to help boost your immune system.

Dr Jockers 7-strategies to heal pancreatitis naturally

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If you take my advice please dont take any medicine. Whatever your position is, get up in the morning take a glass full of warm water and some Lemon + salt + add some honey to it and drink it slowly at first and after half is gone drink all at one time. In case you feel any difficulty to drink, try later. Now finish your daily doing. Please do not keep your mobile phone or any gadget with you and sit calmly on the floor, close your eyes, straight body no bending, put your both hands on your legs, breathe slowly from both nostrils and after fifteen minutes relieve your one hand and close your left nostril, take a breathe from one side for 5 minutes and then repeat it from other side. Sit calmly, no hurry. I am sure you will benefit from this. I don't know much english. You can join Yoga classes if you have them in your area. I am sure within one month you feel changes in your life.

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I'm really sorry to read that you've been suffering so much. I've been on 150 mg lamictal for many yrs. I went off it once and my Dr's recommended schedule for reducing it was way too quick. My friend, a neurologist, suggested going off as slowly as possible. In the end getting to 1/4 of the smallest dose tabs available, even crumbs practically. I ended up going on it again along with gabapentin but have since weaned off the gabapentin. Btw I found Lexapro to be helpful for anxiety. I agree with suggestions already given including breathing exercises, meditation and hypnosis. A friend of mine had success with hypnosis for essential tremors. See a neurologist if you haven't already. And find a good naturopath to help get your body back in balance. I use an app from Heart Math Solution to do biofeedback that's helpful. If you're sensitive to medications as I am I'm sure you're talking too many of them. Also since the marijuana was helpful consider taking a cannabinol instead of smoking it. Can you find a medical marijuana clinic? There are even websites that sell it. I've done hypnosis and found it very relaxing too. I wish you much luck with this.

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Hi there Hunybe!

Wow! You have really been through the ringer with meds. I am a practitioner, and consumer, of Mental Health Services. In my opinion, the particular meds you're using together are a bit unusual. Also your regimen is unnecessarily complicated. I'm surprised your Doctor keeps fiddling with the same medicines changing the dosages-- hoping for a different result. LOOKING at your situation with fresh eyes and streamlining/taking a fresh approach seems legitimate.

I don't see where it's suggested you have Bipolar Disorder. Why are you on an anticonvulsant/mood-stabilizer? Borderline Personality Disorder is statistically shown to be improved via Dialect Behavior Therapy AND Cognitive Behavior Therapy, potentially supported by an SSRI Antidepressant. So... I'm confused about the use of Lamotrigine, which can have severe side effects.

You give part of your diagnosis as Depression with accompanying Anxiety and OCD. There are many medications that treat your constellation of symptoms. Luvox is very good for depression, ocd and anxiety! So is Zoloft! If you were on the right path for treating your depression, you wouldn't need so many extraneous meds! Then if you needed a benzodiazepine for anxiety, it would be in a minimal amount.

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Hello Hunybe, I can completely empathize and relate to what you are suffering through. I have, in my whole 42 years on this earth, been on just about every antidepressant there is, at one point or another...I have too many health issues to list, well, more like, not enough time to do it...but this i have learned...Your liver, when it malfunctions, at the slightest, can mess your ENTIRE system up! All of them! Nervous, digestive, and you get the idea, I hope. Let alone after you suffered severe pancreatitis...and you have on going pancreas problems, gall bladder issues, those alone will make you miserable, physically and mentally! I am appalled that your doctor keeps prescribing all of these high potency antidepressants! Have you ever has your thyroid tested? I actually went through 2 years of living hell at one point, at which left me in a COMA for a week, as my thyroid had completely shut down, and out of the 6 or so "doctors" I had been seeing, not ONE of them ever even thought to run a $15 blood test to check my thyroid levels, until I ended up in a coma in a hospital in Lafayette, LA, and thank the Lord for the little Cajun woman Dr. That had the common sense to run it! Our digestive and endocrine systems are so vital to our very existence! One small malfunction and Boom! You can have depression, severe mood swings (as it messes with hormone production and absorption), severe fatigue, and on and on...I am currently not on any antidepressants, but I am fighting constant pain from previous injuries,nerve damage, etc..but I do have liver issues, and until I can get into the local Spine Institute, I'm taking milk thistle, grape seed oil, ibuprofen, and yes, an opioid when needed for severe pain, (I say it that way because apparently opioid has become a dirty word and they are being demonized by the mainstream media,etc..because of all of the addicts out there taking them for fun!). As I said before, make sure you have had your thyroid checked, maybe consider having your hormone levels checked....and I know that after I finally tapered off and stopped taking all of the antidepressants they were pumping me full of, I "found" myself and really did feel so much better! After you've taken such powerful psych mess for all long, I firmly believe that it becomes harder to gouge ourselves and how we truly feel and what is caused by illness or the psych mess. Please remember that doctors are humans, just like all the rest of us, they just have a license and better schooling..there is supposed to be a huge responsibility attached to that license, to give the best care possible, but it doesn't always happen. Half of the time, you can have 2 or 3 docs and they don't even communicate! That's where bad prescription mixes come in and being prescribed things that you shouldn't even be taking if you have certain health issues. My long time GP almost killed me, by not running an inexpensive blood test, but over those 2 years, after all of the therapies, physical, mental, drug, you name it, I was left in a coma and 35,000 in medical debt, after insurance! I too used to take whatever was prescribed, not any more! Never again. There a good doctor's out there and bad, just like there are good lawyers, good mechanics, etc..the scary part is that the bad doctor, even with the best intentions, can KILL you, slowly, or quickly. Please research your meds, ALL of them, in depth, anything you don't understand, Google is amazing and can be a great tool for self education! Good luck, and please remember this too, there is never any harm in getting a second opinion! Or third. Or fourth if needed! Good luck and I pray you find peace, healing, and strength!

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I don't think gabapentin would be a good idea..? If you're already on multiple meds, and shaking, I would definitely stay away from that! Talk to your doc first, you'll have to anyways, because it is a prescribed medication. As for my earlier comment, auto correct messed me up, Lola. I meant psych meds, not mess, and "to Gauge ourselves", not gouge. Sorry

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Thank you for your reply, a lot of what you said made sense.
It was a Psychiatrist who put me on Lamotrigene as a mood stabiliser and to help with anxiety, depression, PTSD etc. Then another Psychiatrist told me I had Borderline Personality Disorder so Lamotrigene was to help with that as well. It does help to some point but then I get on a low again and I'm told to increase the dose. I was up to 125mg for 3 years, but the shaking as I said started as soon as I was coming off it, but the doctors and Psychiatrist have said it's not the Lamotrigene and another said now (when I'd come off) it was severe anxiety coming out as the Lamotrigene was blocking it before and although the Lamotrigene was harming my liver and other things I really had to go back on it in December 2016. I felt like I was going crazy and suicidal. I felt like that was the only way to stop the shaking and bad thoughts.
I'm up to 75mg now which is still a low dose but I really don't want to increase it, but I still have the shakes and tremble inside.
I have an EEG on Friday 21st so I guess I'll find out if something is wrong. If it shows up normal, then I guess it's the medication or severe anxiety and maybe I'll have to increase the dose and see if the shaking goes.
Then on the 24th I have the Gastroscopy, so I'll find out about this pancreatitis etc and I still don't know when the gall bladder is going to be removed. My head is everywhere.
Yes, there has been major trauma throughout my life. 1st husband for 20 years and not good (not sure how much detail I should go into) but mental and physical abuse, then divorce, then married again which didn't last long so another divorce. Then I began having a drink occasionally which eventually lead to more which lead to the Pancreatitis. Mild stroke at 40, 3 bouts of bowel cancer (stage 1, then stage 2) had an ovary removed, cysts on the both ovaries, adhesion's cut away, Fallopian tubes out. I'd already had a hysterectomy 2004 and the operation for the other things was 2013, can't hold down a relationship, then I met someone and that was also a disaster (DV) so I've stayed alone with my sons for quite a few years now and I think I'm pretty useless to anyone anymore as I'm sick most of the time and I have no libido or anything to offer anyone, so I stay alone and rarely leave my house. Being sick has or is a full time job and yes, maybe I'm comfortable being sick. I don't know anymore, all I know is I'm not the same person I was and I miss who I was. I sit in silence most days. Don't even listen to music which I used to enjoy, I've lost interest in everything. Showering is also hard, everything overwhelms me and the slightest thing makes me anxious. I don't even answer the phone if I don't really have to. Just communicate via sms or email to people.
It's an awful feeling and my sons have to see me like this every day and it's hard on them as well.
An due to having no appetite, they cook, they're old enough, but I'm just not hungry which again could be caused by the stones or the pancreas. Haven't had an appetite for years. I have protein powder, yoghurt and banana most days but the weight is dropping quickly.
Don't think I know what normal is anymore, I'm to used to being sick all the time. Guess that's my comfort zone now as I'm used to it but over it at the same time, if that makes any sense.

Thank you for your advice.

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Thank you for your reply. Yes, sometimes I do feel like I'm alone in all this and I do hide away and stay home, rarely leaving the house. My 2 sons also get upset as they don't know how to help me, so they get frustrated and try to tell me to stay positive as I used to be such a strong minded woman but I've just lost all that now. I've been sick for way too many years and it drains me.
I have an EEG on Friday 21st so I guess I'll find out if something is wrong. If it shows up normal, then I guess it's the medication or severe anxiety and maybe I'll have to increase the dose and see if the shaking goes.
Then on the 24th I have the Gastroscopy, so I'll find out about this pancreatitis etc and I still don't know when the gall bladder is going to be removed. My head is everywhere.

I guess once my insides are sorted, an they can figure out the shaking, then I have to learn how to eat again and sort out my mental state which is also a challenge.

Don't think I know what normal is anymore, I'm to used to being sick all the time. Guess that's my comfort zone now as I'm used to it but over it at the same time, if that makes any sense.

Thank you for your advice.

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Thank you for your reply.

Walking is hard for me with the pain, even when I take it slow. I have a 2 storey house so I try and go up and down the stairs as much as I can manage, but I still hurt.
I've never been able to slow my mind down enough to meditate and find it very hard to block out noise from outside. I have been trying your meditation technique but I can't find that inner calm and something always disturbs me. I even tried counting from 10 to zero. I've been told meditation is very very good I just wish I could do it. I guess it takes patience and time to learn. I'll keep trying that though.
I haven't heard of Gabapentin or Melatonin to help sleep. I'll have to look into it. I'm finding it hard to sleep even with the sleeping pills and I only take half a Zolpidem, I don't want to take a full one. So it's half that and half Valium, but my brain only shuts down what seems like a few hours and then my mind races again and then I'm awake again. It's quite annoying and I find that when I lye down my shaking eases a bit and the trembling inside slows but as soon as I get up that's it the shaking starts all over again.


Thank you for your advice.

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