Citalopram Has Ruined My Marriage (Page 2)

A while a ago my daughter was being bullied at school, which drove her to take an overdose, thank fully she was ok and is doing fine now. But my wife took it really hard and started to suffer with anxiety so the doctor gave her citalopram. Instantly I noticed a change in her attitude, she just turned so hard faced and cold toward me, then what was a healthy sexual relationship turned to a relationship with no sex at all, I've tried to tell her that this drug has changed her but she is not interested, this drug had changed her from being a normal loving mother/wife to a woman who needs no love or affection. And now after 15yrs of being together she wants a divorce, to sell the house and go our separate ways, I am absolutely devastated I can't imagine my life without this woman I have loved for so long, but it's the medication im dealing with not my wife, she's in there some where but I can't and don't know how to bring her back. I love my wife and would do anything to keep her and not get divorced but it all seems to be falling on deaf ears. Is there anyone out there who knows what I can do? I am heartbroken and don't want to leave her in this state but she is adamant that we split immediately.

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I sincerely hope this is what happened to my ex Fiancee. He started taking this medication and lost all emotions. He turned from a sweet and kind man into a vile monster. So bad so that I have told him never to contact me again. I was wondering if I had been living with a covert psychopath for all these years.

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Perhaps can shed some light on this medication. My husband is taking this and bupropion for about 2 years now. He began to drift away emotionally and drinking became quite heavy. He had an affair soon thereafter. He is rather unemotional now and drinking even more heavily, about light beers in a night, sometimes more and a mixture of wine. We have been married for 15 years bad have always been the best of friends. He has become distant and irritable and continues his inappropriate behavior with other women. He does nothing with our children and would prefer time on his own with his beer than his family. He is such a great guy and loving father but that seems to have disappeared. I do what I can to be supportive and loving and fun but he has become a wall. His mixture of these meds and alcohol doesn't to seem to phase him. I am truly crushed and concerned for his well being.

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I was raised in a family with a physician for a father. My trust of the medical profession as a whole is significantly higher than that most people, even today, because I've seen the dedication it takes to be a physician of his caliber, and know that most physicians have to be similarly dedicated to achieve what they have in life. Granted, no one is perfect all the time, but physicians really trend toward being advocates of their patients, not pontificators. That said, most healthcare professionals not engaged in longer term therapy with a patient that can manage the use of SSRIs like Citalopram before, during AND after, never come to an understanding of what this drug can do.

First, it has a short half life of only around 35 hours (as opposed to a half life of 4 days to a week for other SSRIs). This means people who do not wean from it correctly are more likely to experience SSRI continuation syndrome. I have seen this first hand in my wife, but did not realize it until today (after a year of hell).

Prior to taking Citalopram, my wife had been involved for four years in the leadership of our local church unit, doing beautiful things to enrich the lives of many people in a wonderfully charitable way. I was fortunate to have an income that allowed this, in addition to allowing her to be a stay at home mom. Even so, for her to be successful in the position, it required me to support her extensively so our obligations as parents and marriage partners were fulfilled. Things were very good between us at this time. In the first ten years of our marriage up to this point, disagreements weren't particularly frequent and we would typically discuss and handle them appropriately without any significant escalation, excepting two instances where there was escalation to hurtful arguments spanning more than a day. The truth is, we were definitely doing significantly better than the average blended family, and any mental health professional who understands blended families can attest to that. Even the two instances I just mentioned were followed by a healthy pulling together again in which we realized the source of the conflict was a significant outside stressor event, then rededicated ourselves.

Then life happened. Her term in the local Church unit leadership ended. This had a fairly significant and immediate effect on her self esteem. Within weeks, we then learned of a crisis of mental health with one of our children that required three years of intensive out-of-home therapy at great expense to us. Next, a deterioration of a family relationship with an extended family member on my Wife's side hit a new low and became an absolute obsession for her, further attacking her self esteem. Next, a preteen daughter was diagnosed with a lifelong chronic illness. THEN, our youngest son was diagnosed with a developmental disorder that would require extensive intervention for most of his youth... NEXT came a change in employment with all of the uncertainty that entails. I was fortunately able to preserve my income level, but the new job required an additional 45 minutes every day in commute time. It's not hard to see why my wife felt like I was less available to her right when she needed me most. And that is before I even consider that I probably felt somewhat cooler to her because I had to mute my own emotions to survive her new coping mechanism, which involved a lot of unreciprocated barbs, bickering, using me for a lightning rod for all of the stress we were under. THEN, she suffered a financially expensive sports injury, that while leaving her ability to participate in sports unchanged, nevertheless altered her appearance in a very minor way that she was extremely unhappy about.

I did my best to be supportive as best I could while coping with my own stress - never taking anything out on her, but finding myself without the energy I personally needed to keep up my own efforts and move all of the new mountains at the same time. My wife's solution was to turn away from me to SSRIs.

The truth is, ignorant as I was at the time, I was so relieved when I saw her pain ease. She was a new person at first. For a few blissful months the penchant she had developed for constant barbs and bickering went away. It was as if a terrible weight had been lifted. She was finally able to find the energy to help out with the financial burdens that had newly beset us by getting a part time job. She seemed happier than I had seen her for a year, and I could have sworn her self esteem had returned, perhaps even higher than before. I thought the woman I married had survived the awful storm and was coming back to me.

For that brief period of time, I would have gladly been an SSRI evangelist. Little did I know that the new extroversion I was seeing was a drug induced personality change - a clinically recognized symptom of SSRIs that it would be delusional to deny because it's all over the place in the pharmaceutical company's own literature. Further, there is clinical evidence from outside medical and pharmaceutical studies indicating that increased extroversion and a reduction in neuroticism are direct effects of treatments involving SSRIs.

In the pro SSRI literature, it is observed that the greater the change in these personality defining traits (considered relatively stable over a lifetime in unmedicated adults according to what I've read in mental health professional literature), the less likely it is that a depression patient treated with SSRIs will experience a relapse into debilitating depression. SO, it is already acknowledged by the industry that personality changes can be a direct result of SSRI treatment, and that these personality changes are actually considered desirable by clinicians on the basis of an SSRIs efficacy at resolving long-term depression. This seems to be irregardless of whether that depression is situational like it was in my wife's case.

Here is the result (and how a bad situation became a bit of hell for both of us):

My wife's increased extroversion resulted in an uncharacteristic compulsion to engage people of both genders. In the work environment for her new job, this meant mostly men. Increased engagement resulted in her becoming the recipient of a much higher level of flirting from the opposite sex than she had ever before experienced in her entire life. She would even go so far as to tell me about this aspect of her work experience, though she never associated it with the SSRI she was taking at the time. I was actually flattered somewhat, and told her so. I was enjoying the fact that this lovely, fantastic girl had consented to be my wife. the problem was that she had no mental health professional at the time that was engaged enough to recognize the pitfall and help her develop the skills to deal with a new found, sexually based social position. She had no prior life experience to guide her either.

The rest of the down side mimics what so many others on here have states. She had several of the symptoms acknowledged in the drug manufacturer's own literature of decreased libido, and a loss of the feeling of being 'in love', even though she still had a base, almost intellectual understanding that she still loved me. Unfortunately it was now muted and soon, the barbs and bickering returned. She also lost the ability to orgasm with anything but the rarest confluence of perfection on both our parts, which she eventually started to blame on me.

All of this was all accompanied by the abrupt loss of interest in almost all of the activities we used to do together for recreation, hobbies, or practically any other general combined interest. The change was so dramatic that, at the time, I wondered if she was a victim of Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) due to the sports injury and the possible associated concussion. She began to take family meals away me and the children, and would spend hours in our room streaming media - becoming agitated if anyone disturbed her. We went from dating almost religiously every week as a stress outlet for the sake of our marriage to not dating at all, no matter how cleverly I worked at getting her to come be with me.

I think she noticed all of this and it bothered her - at least her self-imposed isolation from the children. She has always defined herself and drawn a huge portion of her personal worth and value from her role as a mother and considered being a good mom to be her greatest achievement in life. The effect the antidepressant appeared to be having on her ability to be a mother was devastating to the point she could no longer deny it, even with her thought processes skewed by the drug. She decided to stop the SSRI treatment, which she did, to the best of my knowledge, cold turkey.

One of the side effects of this hugely unwise way of terminating SSRI treatment is hypersexuality and she had it in spades. She shocked me by proposing we abandon the kids with no warning, no clothes packed, not enough money to guarantee food on the table until payday, and just take the wheels under us (we were driving somewhere at the time) then blow our meager remaining money on a motel room for a weekend of sex out of town, somehow believing that the teenagers at home would deal with it for us. And this with no prior notice to my brand new employer (whose insurance benefits we were literally and unequivocally desperate to keep). Of course, that was impossible. I later learned that my refusal to part with sanity and reality was the impetus for her either beginning, or taking the as yet undiscovered affair to a new level. Clinically speaking, that episode was likely the direct result of undiagnosed SSRI continuation syndrome.

At the time, I was oblivious. Things that had already started going downhill due to the loss of feelings, cessation of any dating, relationship apathy, and the loss of general respect for me due to all of the new flirting she was doing with other men due to her new found extroversion, basically sent what little was left of our relationship after SSRI treatment right over the cliff.

Suddenly, the wife who had been so devoted and grateful for all of the support I gave her while she was in the church leadership position, literally praising me publicly and privately, and demonstrating intimately in many emotional, and even physical ways how much she appreciated me, and she felt I was her ideal mate, was no including that same span of time in her declaration that she hadn't loved me for 5 years. Her perception of the past had completely changed to match her new attitude and, yes, new personality. I was bewildered how this could be.

The relationship continued to deteriorate until, three months after the affair began, I discovered the whole thing in the act. I was floored. I didn't understand how such a beautiful, intelligent, capable, pious person who was so devoted, non-judgemental and charitable to others could have changed so radically. Even with all of the stresses life had served up to us, I didn't understand where the woman I had married had gone. How could she have been broken by what we were dealing with when, before I married her, she had survived being widowed as a young mother by her first husband with flying colors? The personality now residing in her body was so completely different from that tough, beautiful survivor.

Fortunately, our faith sustained me, and to some extent her. She could not understand what she had done any more than I could, which only lead her to further distort the past until almost half of everything I heard her charge me with was something I could demonstrate as false with physical evidence that would satisfy any jury. But it made no difference.

As things fell apart, she became so depressed that she contemplated suicide, which caused her to get back on SSRIs. I don't know what SSRI she was on the first time, but I know this last time it was Citalopram. I just found that out today when I discovered a three month supply minus a perhaps a weeks worth in the garbage in our bathroom. Based on the expiration dates it looks like she went off within just shy of two days (the exact half life of Citalopram) of starting a week long fight with me that nearly undid a full year of marriage counseling and almost sent her back in search of the other man - a man who, strangely enough, she hadn't needed in her life for six months until she apparently caused another episode of SSRI continuation syndrome.

I had no idea of any of this until tonight, when I found the pills in the garbage, complete with an exact printed date and time for correlation. The more I researched, the more everything crystalized. I now know exactly when she was taking this medication and when she wasn't, because not only do the dates match up exactly, she also grinds her teeth at night when she is on this stuff - something she has never done before in her life.

My wife has always considered taking antidepressants of any kind to be a weakness (her father considered anything related to psychology and its associated pharmacology to be a sign of a weak mind and an evil, disreputable cop out). Her depression was significant and real enough that it took great courage to even begin taking an SSRI. I respect her for that.

If only I had known what it would do to her. If only...

I thank God she is off this medication. The worst of this hell may be over because of that. But her personality has not returned. I am learning to love another woman - someone other than the person I married. Through continued counseling, we are progressing.

Never in my life did I dream I would be forging a marriage relationship with two different people inhabiting the same body (fortunately, not at the same time - no DPD or NPD here, thank heaven) that happen to share the same memories. I feel so bad for her that she can't remember why she ever liked doing the fun things together that we used to do. Baby steps... Its what is allowing us to find the new face of commonality, and ways for us to connect so we can build something new and lasting.

There is a book our therapist has referred to. "Love is never enough." Knowledge is needed as well.

I personally feel that no clinician should ever prescribe this drug unless they are actively engaged with the patient AND the patient's loved ones prior, during, AND after treatment - and absolutely, without exception, should know full well the social effects this drug can have so they can help the patient AND THEIR LOVED ONES through these difficult things and equip EVERYONE INVOLVED for the journey.

I feel this medication can still be a life and sanity saving treatment, but only if administered responsibly, which is something most clinicians are incapable of doing due to a very, very knowledgeable complete lack of understanding and true experience that covers the full range of the drugs effect on a patient instead of the 'quick fix' approach that doesn't give sufficient time to truly understand the patient, the drug's effect on them, or their real needs. Like a cancer survivor, the person you receive back after treatment with Citalopram may wind up being changed forever, but that person is still worth loving and fighting for.

Citalopram has one of the shortest half lives of all SSRIs and, not without coincidence, is known to have one of the lowest incidences for patient relapse into debilitating depression (which correlates strongly with the most drastic personality changes caused by any SSRI). Please be forewarned. But also be aware that debilitating depression is just as capable of stealing your loved one as improperly prescribed and maintained treatment with Citalopram.

Don't completely rule out Citalopram, but please, please, please send your doctor to the curb unless they are willing to extend themselves in full education and support to help you navigate through the full before, during, and after extent of this rabit hole treatment via the SSRI Citalopram.

I have high hopes, now that I understand. Love is never enough. Thank heaven I now have a little bit of knowledge to mix it with.

My wife knows nothing of my discovery. I have yet to see what input our excellent therapist will have.

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I took Celexa and it changed me and I didn't even realize it, until I went away and forgot my medicine and after about a little over a week I started to see how this awful drug changed me. It was hard on my children and was a nightmare and that damage it has done I am still dealing with years later.

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Hey, citalopram did the same with me. I was off almost 2 years. Even without the citalopram, I was without any emotions. Stressed about it, I started with fluvoxamine. It brought back all my emotions again (it was a miracle). I hope that this information can help.

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I was with my girlfriend for almost ten years and a few months ago she got on antidepressants. About one month in she left me for her best friend. Says she loves Me but is no longer in love with me. Says she's free of her feelings and just wants to leave. It's been 3 months. We still talk. Still tells me she loves me. It's devastating. I want to try but she says she doesn't feel like making an effort. Drugs keep her stable and that's all she wants.

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Same story again,my wife of 6 years has just upped and left for another man,surely so many like this cannot be coincidence?

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Hi, an update - just so all are WARNED- I'm no better- IT NEVER GETS BETTER ONCE YOUVE GOT ANHEDONIA : 2.5 years after taking CITALOPRAM I'VE NEVER HAD A SHRED OF ONE POSITIVE EMOTION all my relationships are in ruins:husband- all grown up children; have spent two years in bed most days (no exaggeration) life is complete hell; can't leave the house alone , can barely do anything without Valium; this is complete pergatory; can't work lost amazing job I loved; no one recognises me, lost all friends. CITALOPRAM SHOULD BE ILLEGAL

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im at my wits end my girlfreind was upped to 40 citalopram and im lucky to get even close to kiss her. we live seperately but have got on great in all departments until the increase. now she is either shopping or at work and spendstime with workmates, she has ended it three times but keeps coming back am i being a mug ?

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Pointer same here, wife left me for another bloke,still wants me back every now and again.but she rather be out with so called friends smoking cannabis taking amphetamine. She was on these pills for about 2 months.your not a mug probably care about her !

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My heart and prayers go out to you. I am in the throes of a recent decision by my wife to divorce me and there are certain similarities.

1. She needs to hear she has a problem from someone other than you. She is an altered emotional state and is shut down to you.

2. Who is influencing her? Is anyone pushing her?

3. God willing, she is a believer and perhaps a minister could get through to her.

My wife is actually in need of the drug but the pathway to help is the same. I truly understand the anguish. It is a burden that is heavy. I urge you to get in a support group. In your state of turmoil you will be of no use if you lose yourself while trying wildly to save another.

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I am 24 & I was put on Citalopram/Celexa & was on it for around 8 months. Things seemed to be okay but barely a month after being raised to 40mg I changed, without even realising that I was changing. I was in a happy long term relationship, I had a job & despite other health conditions I was thriving. That all changed. I cheated on my partner, I lost my job & distanced from all my family. I had a new friend group & was drinking heavily. This all resulted in my attempting to end my own life twice in the space of 2 weeks. Luckily for me my partner stood by me & although we were apart for a few weeks she took me back. After my overdose I took myself straight off of my antidepressants, If I hadn't done that I don't believe that I would have got back with my partner & I believe my life would be either destroyed or I would not be here. I have always been a caring and loving person but this mediation completely changed me. I was distant and cold & my behaviour was impulsive and inappropriate. I am sorry to hear all these stories that sound so familiar to what I did. Citalopram & anti depressants in general should be banned. Putting a already vulnerable person onto such strong medication is too big of a risk. It ruined my life, it ruined those I love lives and it ruined me.

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My boyfriend changed completely after 2 months withdrawal from Citalopram. Suddenly he kicked me out from our apartment and claimed that just doesn't feel anything for me anymore. His personality is completely changed into a cold that I can't rocognize at all. I'm just in chok!

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Go to her doctor. Tell her doctor. She needs to get off those meds.

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I feel compelled to write to all of you as the one who is being accused of citalopram wrecking my life. I also would like to offer some suggestions for those of you out there on saving your relationship. First, I have read some articles that cit can change your personality. It can make u more outgoing. This seems reasonable to me. Second, the studies show that cit can cause sexual disfunction or lack of interest. However, to say that taking citalopram makes you suddenly lose interest in your partner and "makes you crazy" is a huge leap.

I can only speak from my perspective. I started cit because I was feeling depressed and at the time I didn't know exactly what was driving it. The initial side effects were horrendous but I stuck with it and I started to feel better in about a month. I wish I would have tried therapy first. I think in the end I would be in the exact same place I am now but I wouldn't have made as many mistakes.

The drug worked for me there's no doubt. Freed from the depression there was room in my mind to evaluate what went wrong. I realized that there were a lot of things about my partner that made me really unhappy. In fact, I determined that was what lead to my depression in the first place. Never wanting to feel that way again i reached out to other people to fill the void and that was a mistake. I should have talked to my partner about it. We should have done couples therapy.

But now it's over and done with. My partner is now telling everyone that this drug has made me crazy. In fact she has told me that she tells everyone my whole medical history! People on this forum, it's really easy to blame a pill for your relationship falling apart, but that's just as easy as me reaching for others to fill the void. If there is any chance at you saving the relationship, stop blaming citalopram and calling them crazy. It will only make things worse. Look inside yourself for faults. Listen to what they have say. I know it has to be hard when u r the one who was betrayed...but isn't it worth it in the end? I would strongly encourage couples therapy if you can get them there. I do also realize that in many of these cases, like mine, it is too far past that point.

I hope everyone on this forum finds peace in their lives. If you've never had depression it's impossible to know what it's like. If the rolls were reversed and I had to choose between my partner not feeling depression or leaving me, I would choose her not feeling depression.

I am currently off of citalopram. I was on it for 6 months. I've been off of it for 3 weeks now. I still feel the same way about my partner. If they aren't willing to change certain aspects of their personality then I can't stay with them. I'm your proof. I got off the drug and nothing changed. It did the job it was intended to do.

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I know what you're saying about blame but citalopram screwed up my sleep and I've never slept through the night in 2.5 years now- before cit I could sleep for England and never woke in the night. The anhedonia it brought has completely destroyed me- lying side effect leaflet- believe me 'side effects' can be permanent. I can now barely speak to my own children, I'm scared of everybody and everything; I'm a complete nervous shaking wreck and can't leave the house alone. I'm totally alone in my head and even husband can't hold conversation with me-I've nothing positive to say and spend nearly every day all day with no one to talk to - even when there's family at home they have nothing to ask me because I do nothing all day every day since taking the first tablet. There is no future and nothing to look forward to; I can't even bath or get dressed- the life destroying drug citalopram put me in these depths.

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I am actually the one on the medication at the moment 40mg I have changed so much in myself my partner who I worshipped I now feel irritated by when she has done nothing wrong. Like I am suffocated by her. I want to feel like I used to and am planning on coming off this medication to see if I can change at least a little back to how I was. I actually hate that I can't give her the love she deserves. If I cuddle her it feels fake and like there is nothing in it. There really should be she has done everything for me. The feeling of coldness is not nice. I feel like I'm out of control. I am hunting other girls i dont care who i just feel like i need to mess around and thats not what i want to be but the urge is so big. When it comes to it i usually cant because of themeds and even cuddling new girls is no feeling. I used to love cuddling. The best way to describe the feeling being on them is confusion frustration and lack of care. Not a good mix! The other night I drank a 1.25 litre bottle of sambuca without care. Still don't care. Not healthy not good I don't care. It's the knowing that I should care that has bought me here. Will post an update in a few weeks or months when I'm off them. I'm on them for social anxiety. They have helped to the point I feel like I am a danger to myself as I have a burning desire to feel alive and that's all about being crazy isn't it? I am going out of my mind

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this is a very incorrect medication for to many symptoms with potentially irreparable life time of anguish.

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I have experienced the same thing as this guy, My wife has turned evil, she threw me out 3 days before fathers day......the woman I married would NEVER have done that.. its a WONDER drug alright - I WONDER why the FDA ever passed it.

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I have tooo. someone needs to put HOME WRECKER on the pill bottle. MY wife kicked me out 2 days before fathers daY.,

when I saw this it opened my eyes to why my wife started being mean to my daughter from my previous marriage.

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