Methadone Addiction

I am a man who is trapped on methadone. I took opiates for three years and I was off for six weeks, with what felt like having the symptoms of flu. At age 28 I was prescribed methadone. That was 18 years ago. I have tried about 7 times to get off, all with very intense pain, sickness, and diarrhea (sic). I am now aware that I won't ever get off it now, as the methadone is in my bone marrow. I would love to have a life free from methadone, but it is never going to happen. I have been quoted up to £5000 for treatment, where the hell am I going to get money like that? I'm on 60mls a day, along with another highly addictive drug. Naltrexone and subutex are not an option as, if I go any lower than 60 I start to have very painful withdrawal symptoms. I have had a heart attack and the stress of withdrawing, there is a good chance that it will kill me. I think its called toxic shock syndrome. I live in Edinburgh and there are 6 beds for people who want to get off. It would be simpler to prescribe opiates and I would be free in a matter of months not years to be clean. My memory is starting to go, and the only good thing is that I would die when my brain has turned to mush. Even if I get the care I need, I would still need aftercare to deal with the withdrawal, cramps, depression sickness s***ting myself, suicidal thoughts, I would be physically impaired for at least six months,mentally impaired for the rest of my life. There is no way out for me, and because I have been addicted for nearly 20 years,no chance of a normal life. I have never been in a relationship, the memories of childhood abuse would come flooding back, so excuse the language, but I am f***ed. Also extremely angry. In the last week or two, I have began to miss the odd day or so. I am very frightened that this is the beginning of the end. I can't keep my house in order, I spend money,not much,and have no clue as to what I have spent it on. There is something to be said about euthanasia, at least I would die with some dignity,not wearing a nappy,thinking about it makes me sick. I know I won't get off methadone, the pain is unbelievably severe, and my life is going downhill fast. I don't want any one feeling sorry for me,just use it as a cautionary story. Thank you for reading.

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I am sorry that you are having a hard time on methadone . The sickness you go through even after the methadone is out of your system is called PAWS Post acute withdrawls. For me PAWS never went away. I have my life back because of methadone.I wish it would help you. One thing. I don't know who told you that methadone gets in your bone marrow, that is a myth. Sounds like a 12 step program dogma..You have to do what is right for you, if you had a heart attack before, it could happen again. Your dose is much lower than mine, I am on 160mg,I don't understand why you are so sick..All I can say is talk to your doctor, maybe he/she can help..Hope this helped

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