Scared To Start My Induction Process

Hello, I have been reading all kinds of forums regarding opiate use, withdrawl, and suboxone. I'm ready to jump in now to be able to have others to support me because, honestly, I'm a closet addict, no one knows my addiction but myself, very sad but true. Some history, I'll try to be short and simple...... I had a car accident in 2007 which wrecked my back, I'll never forget, that's the day I took my first, hydrocodone. It was not a big deal then, 30/month I was good. Well then I got pregnant shortly thereafter so I stopped with no problems, I would died before I took a chance with my daughters life or well being. Fast forward 9 months, c-section delivery, then I was introduced to my first ever oxy.! Wow what a feeling! It took years of one a day, then 2, then 3, finally my dr had prescribed me the max 4/10mg per day. Eventually about a year ago my tolerance had built up so much that 4/day wasn't cutting it. I began going to different doctors, getting them prescribed wherever I could. Anyways, 6 years later here I am. I went to my suboxone induction appt this am to get started. I got cold feet, convinced myself I wasn't in hard enough wd's so I postponed it til next month. There is so much happening in our lives right now from living with my parents while we build our house (almost done), also the house building is the single most stressful thing we've done partly bc we are doing it ourselves, my daughter started kindergarten, my hubs and I are at odds (for reasons I won't discuss). Anyways, I guess mostly I'm embarrassed that Ive even let myself get to this point. How did this happen? Why can't I just stop?? I've tried before and thought I was dying on day 2! I'm prob the most average mom, wife, working woman ever, all the while holding this secret that's killing me from inside. My doctor just gave me one more month supply of my oxy to try to get my life ready to begin this sub tx next month. I'm scared to death! Will I feel ok?, Will I be able to go to work? Will anyone be able to tell something's going on with me? I'm scared my body won't let me go into enough WD to wait it out til my first sub dose. Please any info is welcomed with open arms and an open heart. I am a 36 year old, married mother of one 6 year old amazing daughter. From the outside I'm normal, but dying within, I don't want to do this anymore. I am up to amywhere from 60-90+ mg oxy/day at this time. Sorry for the crazy length of this message but I'm new at this. God bless and I'll be waiting for anyone to reach out to me. Thanks. Chele

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Hello, Chele! How are you?

I don't want to be rude, but I do want to put this bluntly… if you don't start this process, everyone is going to eventually find out, anyway and your situation will just keep getting worse. Obviously you have a problem and you need help, it takes a lot of guts and courage for you to make it that far, now you just need to take that final step to get the help you need.

Your body will let you go into withdrawal to take the first dose, you may not like it and it may require some stubbornness and fortitude on your part, but you can do it! Just your reaching out on here proves that.

And yes, you can work and lead a normal life, though the days your in withdrawal may at first be tough, but there are many, many people that go through this process successfully, while still holding down their jobs and taking care of their families.

And think of the benefit to your daughter to have her mother back, completely, even if she never really knows what was going on. :-) I know you want that for her.

The FDA classifies this medication as an opiate that is most commonly used to treat drug addiction, so it has the potential to be habit forming and may cause side effects, such as nausea, dizziness, drowsiness, dry mouth and constipation.

Please feel free to post back, vent, let's discuss this and see if anyone can help you. I do sincerely wish you the best.

How old is your daughter, now?

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Hey Verwon, I'm sorry o didn't respond several weeks ago, honestly was ashamed. I went through one more follow up, got my oxy's for another month to prolong the outcome...... Which led my to where I am now. I did it! I took the step to start my sub treatment. As I type, I'm sitting in my dr office bc they are monitoring me. This is actually day 2 of my induction. Day one, I did 4mg in am and the other 4mg half of strip in pm. It seemed to do ok, definitely don't get the rush of an oxy or that energy to clean the house, but I felt normal! Honestly, when you asked me how old my daughter was, well her bday was yesterday10/21, she turned 6, that's the day I chose to start my induction. She is worth getting straight for!! It's still scary bc no one knows what I go through. I feel ok right now, about 40 minutes into my sub film on day 2, I just feel normal. I can do normal! I may not feel like running a marathon, cleaning the house, or jumping up to go to a social function but that's ok. Any encouragement is gladly appreciated! Thank you for you bluntness and kind words. It's really good to know that you're not alone. If anyone could chime in and let me know what I have in store for the next few days til this plains out, that'd be great. Everyone have a good day!, I'm glad I found this, I'm gonna need support and in return hope to be able to give it one day! Thanks, Chele

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