Miracle Drug [for Me At Least]

I started taking Vyvanse in July of 2012. For about 4 weeks prior to that, I had been taking about 40mg of AdderallXR that I had gotten from a friend. I know taking anything not prescibed for you is a terrible idea but I was convinced that I had severe ADHD and when things started getting stressful at work, I started to fall apart because the coping mechanisms that had become part of my life couldn't cope enough anymore. It was very, very difficult to find a physician that would help me, they would want to do a list of tests or therapy or some anti-depressant that never worked when I was a kid. On psychiatrist wanted me to do neural feedback therapy that would be months of treatments, hours at a time, and cost a lot of money. I didn't have months, hours, or money, I WAS LOSING MY MIND, only taking the AdderallXR could I not do that long enough to finally find a doctor who would help me. When I found one, he started me on 50mg once a day. For the first 6 days, I was a lunatic, no appetite, very "speedy", racing thoughts, some aggression, couldn't sleep... it was so bad, I didn't take it on day 7, because I was physically and mentally exhausted. I almost called the doc to tell him it wasn't the medication for me but I started again on day 8. Honestly, I mainly only started again because I wanted to give it a fair shot and have it fail, then I could get my beloved Adderall instead. However, my body tolerated it much better this time. I was still a little speedy with NO appetite, but everything came into focus... I could concentrate and for the first time in my life, I could consistently process information on an emotional and logical level AT THE SAME TIME. I would still break on the weekends from it as my worst ADHD times were at work. By day 30, I had a follow up with the doc, and I was doing so much better, I felt the "the fog" of missing half the story lifted. Previously, I had bouts of depression but it was because I couldn't keep up with things like chores or react without freaking out and hurting loved ones feelings. Now that those were getting better, I was happier and work was a breeze. In 10 months, I have not been depressed one single time like I was at least once every 6 weeks before treatment. By day 90, I still had very little appetite, but this was extremely good as being ADHD, I had turned to food out of boredom and self medicating the depression... I lost 40 lbs; I am a guy, 5'9, I was a marshmellowly 194lbs, now a healthy 155 lbs. During that 90 days of no appetite, I drank almost no soda or coffee, which I had guzzled before... probably my body reaching for caffine to stimulate itself to function. It made me very aware of how bad my eating habits were; somewhere at the 6 week mark, I got a soda from the drive thru and ended up throwing it out the window of the car after two sips, it was so much sugar it made my gut hurt. I am still doing so much better with food... it's not an escape anymore and the time away from greasy foods reset my tastebuds so a whooper tasted like fatty sand in my mouth. I will say from day 1 to about month 6, the depression was gone and work was better but I was definitely over assertive, not aggressive though. I think this was my brain was finally processing a lot of repressed things that it couldn't without treatment; I imagine it like a puddy knife lifting 30 years or old paint of a house, it was messy at places but necessary. During one of my visits with the doc, he said that my brain chemistry would take time to adjust, it got into a lot of bad habits over 3 decades and it wouldn't "fix" itself over night. He was absolutely right. Now, I am on month 10, and I can now control myself, I actually experience empathy, my relationships with family/friends/spouse are so much better. I don't have to confront everyone/everything like I used to, I don't sweat the small stuff anymore; I used to obsess about meaningless details so terribly it was making me crazy. My appetite is healthy as is my weight/build. I sometimes have insomnia still, but not as bad when I wasn't treated and would lay in bed with such bad anxiety that I wasn't able to ever be the person I felt like I could be. I am not late for things now, I don't make rash decisions or blurt things out like I used to. I get along with everyone so much better; patience and kindness comes naturally, other's emotions aren't complete mysteries like they used to be. I had a bad marijuana habit, about a gram a day (for you never smokers, THATS A LOT) of medical grade marijuana for 4 - 5 years, but now I quit like it was nothing. I had a few physical withdrawals from it, but by day 3 of saying goodbye to that, I felt like another fog lifted and I realized I was using it to cope with the crippling anxiety and racing/broken thoughts. It still improves everyday, I don't get discouraged/frustrated anywhere near like I would get 10 months ago. All and all, Vyvanse didn't give me my life back, it gave me a life, period. I still take the weekends "off" to give me body a rest (and extend the effectivity of the medication) and only still 50 mg a day on work days or occasional weekend day when I need to get a lot done. On the days I don't take it, I am still so much happier, not as focused, but I now have the emotional intelligence to react to things better or let them slide, etc. Here's the most important things from my experience: 1.) If you're not ADD or ADHD, don't take this drug. I understand it's fun but if you don't have the condition it will mess you up, after all it is SPEED in a pill. 2.) Even though I thought Adderall was better at first, I now see how Vyvanse is VASTLY superior, I don't get the "tweaks" like I would sometimes, Vyvanse lasts longer, and is much more subtle; most of the people in my life can't tell a difference in my mood on days I don't take it, only that I bounce from task to task. 3.) Depending on how bad you're ADD/ADHD and how many years you spent in "the fog", it can take sometime to normalize. 4.) The loss of appetite and other side effects can be a real pain, but you have to accept there is no "cure" for ADD/ADHD, and even Vyvanse won't magically solve all your problems. Keep an eye on your food/water intake, force youself to eat if necessary, you're not going to get "better" by allowing youself to strave. As for the insomnia, try working out to burn the extra energy off, or read a book, have quiet time, etc. Vyvanse changed my life in so many wonderful ways, but the work is still up to me to manage the rest. If you're like me, it's a life long condition and you have to try a lot of different things to get where you want, a pill can NEVER do everything for you. There has to be a lot of soul searching and thought; when you spend years perceiving the world though the static of ADD/ADHD, many of those perceptions were WRONG and thus a lot of your feelings will change towards events/people as you gain true emotional intelligence. 5.) A b12 complex vitamin really helps extend the vyvanse past 10 hrs, experiment with taking it in the morning/afternoon to see when is best. Also, if you notice that it is wearing of about the same time everyday, drink a small cup of coffee about an hour before that and the caffeine will block the serotonin re-uptake and extend it even further. Lastly, and most important, no matter what med or lifestyle change you choose, hang in there and keep fighting for yourself... the fog/static can be lifted and you can be that person who was always locked inside. I know it can be miserable, my intensity used to be so severe I would scream or cry on the way home from work and when it was really bad I would have panic attacks of doing both at the same time... but as one human to another, you're not the only one and you can feel better.

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