Methadone And Depression With Panic Attacks


I've had muscle and nerve pain with intestinal spasms since my last (3rd) peritonitis in 93. This last one caused by a surgical mistake. Took 12 yrs to recover only to then be misdiagnosed and given a very high dose of radioactive iodine which has put me into a slow steady decline and no Dr can help the myriad problems caused by that poison. I since learned it is illegal in all of Europe and Japan and considered to be "barbaric, inhumane and outdated".

I've been on 30 mg daily methadone for 8 yrs now. Because of some heavy losses and a total loss of all I had materially and healthwise, I've gone thru an emotional meltdown and panic attacks that are indescribably frightening. I take Effexor which really got rid of the panic attacks for years until lately. I feel the methadone has made the sadness and despair harder to take. I tried over 20 antidepressants and only the Effexor was tolerable. I spoke with several psychologists since '93 but it does no good to speak to strangers about such phenomenal losses, and pains and no pill helps.

Until they design a pill to make you forget 24 yrs of one loss after another and the fact that it really is too late now to hope for anything more than the $890 a month I try to survive on and the roach infested bldg I'm told I'm very lucky to live in for only $300 rent. I remember feeling euphoric on Norco years ago. If I go back on this I wonder if I'll get some strength back and be able to sleep again. I can't fall asleep until anywhere from 7am to noon and during the night I'm wide awake. Anyone have worsening depression and/or sleep problems on methadone? Will Norco have the same effect as it did years ago? I'm 70 yrs old now. Until I returned to the US from where I lived and worked in Europe, I had good health and healthy looks. Now the ravages of all the mistakes and the RAI have me bald and not a happy sight. Does anyone take Dilaudid? I was given a small shot of this in the ER twice and remember it lasted for the pain until the next day. A totally different "help" for pain! The two times I was given morphine, it caused me to have such terrible anxiety and the pain seemed worse... I can't ever take that again. Anyone having the patience to read this piece of self-pity, thank you.

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Maria, I have just read your post and would first like to let you know that I understand and feel terrible about the many things that you have spoken about. I can honestly say that I have been through the exact same experiences except that it being blotted up surgeries in several different areas, but I have the same feeling and although it many times comes out of my mouth as anger it's the same thing as fear. Fear of what will happen next and unfortunately you are about 20yrs older than me, but it only reinforced my thoughts concerning the many years I have allowed these quakes that look at us as a number and I will say that you seriously need to Google the area where you live and find a doctor who can prescribe you Suboxone 8mg sublingual film and they normally give you 2 per 24hrs so basically 1 every 12 hrs, I am surprised that you are still on methadone. I am assuming you are on Social security disability or you are possibly in your social security retirement benefits and I hope that you have Medicare and part D drug coverage. The amount you mentioned makes me feel like you have applied for the ageing and disabled through the human resource department, and if so then your state pays your Medical part A & B, part D drug coverage you need to check an make sure that they will cover Suboxone because many didn't this past year and I thank God that I checked and switched to Humana and because of my low income I don't pay anything for the part D. Plus once you have filled the application form through the human resource department, then you will receive the QmB coverage which pays all your deductible and copay as well. They have a private program that helps them to cover the extra cost.

I went through 21 surgeries and most were to try repairing what they messed up to begin with. I went through it from 1998-2006. I lost my right breast and it ended up not being cancer, which I am thankful for but then the infection and a whole the size of a grapefruit wouldn't close. So for 2yrs I battled with it at home because I found out later that he had home health nurse coming by daily because he didn't want anyone else at the hospital to see the awful mess. Then he said that I was a narcotics seeker and said that he would no longer treat me. Before he pulled that he put me through one more surgery and I woke up and I felt paralyzed but I could hear him and see all the blood. My eyes had Vaseline on them but I couldn't speak with the tube down my throat and finally one of the nurses screamed I was awake and I remember that mask, but he put glue inside the hole trying to get it to close and I despised him after all the nightmares of reliving that surgery and then he decides to drop me, calling me a narcotics seeker, but he packed up and left the country for about 5yrs. The glue seeped down to my ribs and eventually the skin attached and grew onto any bone it could, leaving my right arm and chest area unrepairable, and I was already going to a shrink because of all my fears of germs because of my catching the flesh-eating bacteria that I guess God must have kept me here for a reason but I told him that I was done with the oxycodone, morphine dilaudid, fentanyl patches and I had tried on my own and there was no way and he sent me to the best doctor that I have become wonderful friends with.

But when he treated me 12yrs ago it was called the Rich man's rehab and that's because insurance wasn't paying for it back then but when the Dr. told me he has never seen anyone with access to all the opiates I wanted like norco, hydrocodone and I was wanting to get off and he knew I was in pain but he said that he could tell that my husband was against me stopping and he told me that he was addicted to the same meds and I was shocked but he said that almost all doctors or RNs have been but he said that he would have never been able to get off without the Suboxone and I never had a desire to use a pain pill again and I get so upset because of the few out there abusing it because they are going to screw this up for people that really need it and I don't have to take but about a fourth of one film and I don't feel any pain but you won't feel that euphoria and that's the point. It has an opiate blocker in it so after taking it for awhile even if you took norco it wouldn't do anything for you. If you want to enjoy your time left here on earth then you have to let go of the desire to feel that euphoria and something that is sad is even though my ex cop husband divorced me and I didn't have a clue, but he's older than me and knocked up a girl he worked with and she is younger than our youngest daughter and the sad part was he kept using. And after he left me he never has said anything to my kids and it broke their hearts. So if you want to enjoy the rest of your time on earth, you have to want to get off that daily search and worry about getting a buzz. Life doesn't stop and believe me, I lost over 15yrs to doctors and now I'm back into my old hippie ways living one day at a time and meditation with my spirituality and prayers for everyone else out there still struggling helps get your moral compass back. Peace my friend and pass it on!!

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Wow! Maria, and Susan, both of your stories are so very sad. I just can't imagine, I thought have a cheating ex was bad, but every day I read tales that show me that what I dealt with was miniscule, there is so much worse out there.

How are you both doing, now?

Maria, that euphoria is a concern, since it is just a temporary side effect according to FDA reports, and it will eventually wear off, then you'll have to take more and more to get it back. That is usually how addiction starts.

Susan, how are your kids doing? I really can't imagine how they must feel.


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Hello Maria, I am so sorry for all your losses and heartache. I don't know if you belong to a church, but I have been reading and studying scripture for over 50 years now. I find it helps me to understand the why of so much misery in the world and to know that a better future is possible that will last forever right here on this earth at the return of God's son. If you live in an area that has a Christadelphian ecclesia and want this hope for yourself, they will teach you. Or check things for yourself at sites like

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I too have noticed I've been unable to get out of my depression in the methadone I thought it was just me but it's not the methadone adds to the depression I think. I've tried so many antidepressants and decided on none. As far as the methadone goes it is the only drug that lasts but is HELL to come off of. I'm not really sure what else to say I just wanted you to know you're not alone and I too agree that dilaudid really helps.

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I have muscles problem after i got operation of my DNS ,I am facing this problem since last 2 year and taking medicine of differents Doctors Suggession and take some test .Feeling strench specially my neck and arround ears ,Nose every time .Now i read this page and i seems that i have same problem and i think you are be able to suggest good medicine for me.Please Describe'.

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Hi Marie, I can't advise you regarding meds, but felt I had to write just to say your post really hit home. I understand because I'm living like you and can empathize with your situation. Age, income, health, all of it. It's a sorry way to live our last years, but supposedly beats the alternative. I want you to know you're not alone...

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Hello again Maria,
Yes, please listen to what Verwon says about the euphoria. You do NOT want that. Just take enough medication to bring your pain down to acceptable limits for you. Your body adapts to the medication so that you soon won't feel the euphoria, nausea or dizziness that can come with it and you just get the pain relief. I have been on opioids since 2004 and don't get any side effects just the pain relief. When I take a couple of days off to give my body a break all I experience is increased pain to where I can't do much, but also this way the body doesn't build up such a tolerance that you need higher doses to manage the pain.

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Re: NanaNH (# 7) Expand Referenced Message

Nana, you are very kind. I am a devout Roman Catholic - Something that people in America seem to really either misunderstand because of the crazy stories spread about our Pope etc... Reading your posts, I need to tell you how I appreciate your words. I am always praying for my family, for peace in this world, and for the souls of those gone before me like my parents, etc. If not for these moments in prayer I'd probably be long gone. I believe that when we share our faith, we are blessed by our Saviour. God bless you.

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Dear Mr. Misdiagnosed, I'm very sorry that this all happened to you but I don't know much about your misdiagnosed disease and I hope the best for you. I am also having a problem being confused about what your point is. Your educational/history about Methadone was very exceptional, that is for sure. What I am trying to assess, is the Methadone helping you or are you having problems detoxing and don't want to be on it? That was what the message I'm getting seems to be. American doctor's don't usually prescribe Methadone for pain but never the less it is an opiate and effective for it from what I've heard. Maybe your illness and the misdiagnosis from the doctor got you addicted. Many people/addicts are on Methadone. Some swear that it saved them from Heroin {not the slightest insinuation you've ever even tried it but that is what many Heroin addicts are prescribed coming off of it, is my point) and others say Suboxone saved them and is better. Of course, all mentioned are opioids and the risk of addiction cannot be evaded when started. If I'm right about what I am thinking your point is, you do not like taking opiates and if you're open for a suggestion, I was thinking you could weigh the options of the toleration of your pain versus how bad you want or need to stop the med. I don't mean to be insensitive, just inquisitive, but I don't know if your disease is terminal in which, in my opinion, would change your whole situation. If continuation of the Methadone or the meds you are taking are threatening your life, then that option is clear depending on your situation I had mentioned. If your pain is unbearable, then by all means take the meds you need only. Talk to a reputable physician, get references from others about him. When it comes to your life, don't cheat yourself. From what I understood about the first part of your post, a bad prognosis was made from someone you probably trusted. Maybe there is another alternative for your pain or treatment. Good luck with your choices and I hope the very best for your health.

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